Understanding Automatic thoughts is a good place to start  this process (called metacognitive process).

Automatic thoughts are the thoughts and images that involuntarily pop into our conscious (or just below if they are habitual). They make up how we “read” a situation. Understanding your automatic thoughts  can influence change in a variety of situations.

Here are some examples:

• You are at work and you see a look of disapproval on your boss’ face in response to something you have given him. Your automatic thought (AT) is  ”Oh no, he thinks I am stupid, I will never get promoted”.
• You are at a social gathering where  someone looks at you inquisitively,  your AT is “That person does not like me! What did I do wrong?”
• You are in cab and the driver runs into traffic, your AT is “What’s wrong with you? Why  didn’t you  know to take the other route, you idiot?!”

AT’s are dangerous because usually we take for granted that they are True. Even more dangerous, we have a tendency to accept them as the only explanation or view of the scenario.  Reactive behavior is based on automatic thinking.

In CBT, we examine the automatic thoughts to see just how accurate or functional they really are. That is called reality testing. When we reality test we often find there were other avenues we could have taken with our responses.

It does not necessarily mean that our original opinion or automatic thoughts are  entirely wrong, but rather it helps us to integrate the perspective of others or reduce  biases that create extreme reactions to events.
By reality testing and other methods of examining our automatic thoughts we can then behave proactively, including problem solving in improve situations.
So going back to our examples, when we reality test and practice replacing the automatic thought with a more helpful one we come up with:

• When you see a look of disapproval on your boss’ face in response to something you have given him. Your replacement thought can be  ”He is not pleased with the project, so  let me ask him what I can do to improve it”.
• So when you see someone look at you inquisitively,  your replacement thought can be  ”That person does not seem to be happy, let me go over and see if I can address any misunderstanding or help “
• You are in cab and the driver runs into traffic, your replacement thought can be  ” Maybe I can ask him if there is another route he knows of? “

The best part of this method of thinking and responding is that there is no down side in attempting to improve on any situation!

These biases and extreme reactions come out in stressful or emotional situations because our automatic thoughts are based on beliefs we have about ourselves, others and the world in which we live . These are called core beliefs or schema. These core beliefs and schema show up in the form of expectations, assumptions and judgments and are  reinforced by our reactive behavior and thought patterns.

Visit Sculpt NYC for a health and wellness application http://sculptnyc.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/automatic-thinking-reactive-eating/

For more information about Cognitive Behavior Therapy or Integrative Yoga Therapy please contact Dr. Jayme Albin DrJayme@AsktheCBT.com 212-631-1133

As we ring in the new year,   there are common traditions such as wishing everyone the healthiest, happiest and most abundant year! It’s also common place for most of us to  take a little time to reflect on the year that just passed.  Plus let’s not forget the  list of resolutions that most of us faithfully create year after year for what we  would like to accomplish in the year to come! 

The question is, does this process of reviewing where we have been and where we are going have any value ?  After all,  not too be cynical but the facts are  most of the resolutions made will be abandoned before February 1st and not seen or thought of again until the following December rolls around. 

 This   can be discouraging!  I often hear my clients complain ” when I pay close attention to the things I don’t  finish I   feel bad. Every year I don’t meet my goals and it makes me feel bad so why bother setting resolutions. However, I know I should quit smoking and everyone always says those who set future goals like a 5 year plan end up being the most successful. I feel stuck.”

    So should we  we bother to set resolutions and reflect on the past if it will only put us in a bad mood ?

Well on the flip side, if done correctly, reflecting on the past and setting intentions for the future does hold a lot of psychological value and research supports that it   CAN help us feel more satisfied and motivated. Yeah

So how do we achieve this. What to do :
1.  Start  by say good bye to 2011 properly .  Instead of mulling over what you didnt accomplish this past year  including the long forgone resolutions of 2011  -make a ” What I  did do list”.

Research supports that those of us who take a hearty look at what we did accomplish are more liklely to feel satisfied about completing even mundane activities.  This is important,  because  it’s likely that you will continue to be  held accountable  for similar  mundane tasks in 2012 .

So instead of focusing on the fact that you’re  still not living in your dream home-  try thinking about what you did to keep your home comfortable and neat . For example , how many times you made your bed or ran the vacuum.

If you are not in a committed relationship  and are in search for a partner- try thinking  about how many dates you willed yourself to go on rather than stay home to  order in Chinese take out.

If you are 10lbs away from your ideal weight-  take  a look at how often you worked out.

Or rather than focusing on your failure to get that raise or promotion- count how many meetings you attended, how many new clients you signed up, take a guesstimate on how many business calls or emails you responded to.

2. Try to come up with an objective measures – like number of hours spent at the gym, the percentage of hours spent in meetings for work or the number of reports written.   Now a days technology makes it easy to track  and review….  Just pull out your electronic calendar or review your sent email box for attachments.

Not everything  needs to be monumentally important but failing to do many of these tasks most likely will cost you status and move you further away from your ideal situation. Plus this   feeling  of basic satisfaction will make it easier for you to do an equal or better job in 2012.

When setting resolutions here are some basic tips to that will help you complete the tasks or at least keep your progress going for longer than a month!

1.  Know  your limits.  Industry leaders commonly limit their top executives to set 3 primary goals when tackling new challenges.  I suggest keeping it to one if it’s involves a major life change such a losing weight or quitting smoking. Review your top goals regularly, which bring us to numero 2

2. Set monthly goals rather than an annual resolution. For example, say in 2012 you want to lose 25 lbs- well chances are you are not going to lose all 25 lbs in January – so break it up into chunks. How many networking events or conferences will you attend this month to help you get that raise?

3. Set physical intentions that will move you towards your outcome goals. Make an action plan that has targets to meet.  Rather than saying ” lose 25 lbs in 2012″ create a  intention list for how many days you will work out or  walk to work.  How many nights will offer to stay late at work? One of my favorite authors of “Getting Things Done”, David Allen calls these next actions steps not to do’s.

4. Track and record your progress daily or as often as you can.    This way you can look at what you have done and use it as a motivator to get back on track if you start to fall behind.

5. Reward your self regularly for small successes & largely for big deals!  The idea you are trying to promote internally is ” I almost have it, I just need to keep at it”    Not  ” I suck because I didn’t make it”. The idea is to shape your behavior in the right direction and keep you interested in working towards completing whatever goal you set up.

The video game industry has successfully exploited this psychological principle more than any other industry. Think about it, no matter how many times a player  may technically lose or ” die”,  gamers usually go back with the notion ” If I keep playing I’ll eventually win” .

6. Set up a pre-implementation plan for facing challenging moments:

“I know that when I go to my favorite restaurant it’s tempting for me to not eat all the french fries on my plate so I decide in advance to ask for a side salad.”

Or if you are trying to save money for that dream house then when you go shopping set a limited budget of cash and leave your credit cards at home.

7.  Enlist the help of others.  Share your goals by either signing up for organized program (eg, weight watchers ) or buddying up with a friend  or a life coach/therapist  who will hold you accountable .

Need more help? Dr Albin is offering a discount for the month of January for new clients who enroll in her success identity program. Which features goal setting sessions, personalized tracking systems and weekly check in to keep you accountable. We have  2 convenient NYC locations  

For example when someone we are close to makes a comment that feels  hurtful to you.

At the time the comment is made you have a choice between seeing it “as an innocent comment from a loved one who said something we would just  prefer not to hear ” or  as “an awful and intentionally hurtful” .

The  first way of thinking is allows us to preserve the underlying emotional connection in the relationships  while the second damages  the relationship and stores away emotional material about the event.  If you want this relationship to repair or stay healthy I suggest you to take on the first attitude as quickly and as much as possible.  

Recognizing that at the time of the infraction you are more likely to see it as more problematic and hurtful can help you can some mental flexibility and control.

Two common ways in which may experience the idea of “failure” is when:

-We don’t  get what we want from others

-We don’t  perform  to the level we hoped/expected

Now depending on how YOU VIEW  the idea of failure and therefore the  situation- will result in either you protecting  your self esteem or helping it to  plummet downwards.

People with low self esteem consistently apply a mental filter so that when something bad happens they see that situation as:

• As Personal  ” this could only happen to a looser like myself”; “People are taking advantage of me, I am such an idiot”- This does not give room for other contributions and labeling just shuts us down.

• As Stable- ” I  am  no good. “  “People will never like Me”.  This is too stable because  it implies, this cannot be changed. 

• As  hopeless - Why can’t I ever succeed? This is never ending so it says, “I should just give up”.

• As Global or too general : “My Life is a mess”- This does not give us any direction to start.

Self esteem can broken down into 2 different levels.  Implicit self-esteem refers to a person’s disposition to evaluate themselves in a spontaneous, automatic, or unconscious manner. It contrasts with explicit self-esteem, which entails more conscious and reflective self-evaluation. Both types of self esteem are learned responses and therefore can be changed to include different responses.

What to do:

The next time you experience a failure, sense of disappointment or frustration over not getting what you want.  For example,  let say you get back bad feedback on a report at work.

-Ask yourself, How does this reflect you on personally? Then instead of personalizing the loss by either blaming yourself or others do the following :

- Identify what specifically  you did or  didn’t do to contribute to the failure?  For example,  recognize if you  only put an hour into writing the report and normally you give it 3 hours,  then there’s your solution.  If you want to do a better job, then invest more time.

-Then try to look for external or concrete  factors that influenced the outcome.  For example things out of one’s control or other things you were committed to  dealing  with .  So if  you  look back at the calender and realize that you  only HAD one hour  to give because of  other work or  your children, then so be it.

-If you blame others and see them as disrespecting you, identify what other factors are going on in their life and try to see if from their point of view. Maybe your wife or co work had other commitments or felt overwhelmed themselves.

-Then look for ways to feel hopeful about the situation by accepting that  not everything in life will always work out the same  and re-igniting  your commitment to any contributions you can to achieve more in your life!

-Remember being successful is more about your self efficacy and your willingness to improve and work at it.  For more read my article on Self Efficacy

 Yoga as a therapy? Why yes! Yoga provides you with you  with useful tools to change instantly how you feel emotionally, mentally and physically.

As a Clinical Psychologist and soon to be a certified Yoga Instructor (Kundalini Yoga in May 2011), I found myself giving out “prescriptions” of specific breathing and meditations more and more to patients these days so they can  heal their  nervous system and balance their hormones while we work together to modify thoughts and behaviors. It provides a system of immediate  emotional and mental relief.

The fact is that yoga techniques such as postures, breathing exercises and meditations that use mantra (sounds/vibration) and tapping (mudra) are extremely effective in reducing symptoms  depression and anxiety.  For some of my clients daily  breathing, meditation and exercise have replaced their anti-depressant or stimulants for attention deficits.

Quick Tip:Sit in cross legged position or on your heels. Make sure your spine is straight.  Bring your gaze to the tip of your nose. Relax your shoulders and abdominal area as you inhale. As you exhale gently bring your naval point inward and upwards.  Clear your mind. Focus on your breath for 3 min.

In addition they are effective in improving symptoms of  attention deficits and concentration,  as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and breaking  other bad patterns.  Studies show that certain meditations  are effective in improving memory and blood circulation to parts of the brain.

Yoga therapy facilitates cellular regeneration restoring our nervous systems and stimulates our hormones. This is important maintain focus and a balanced mood.  If you experience mood swings, battle with anxiety or experience physical stress reactions (headaches, migraines, TMJ, teeth grinding, back and should pain, stomach aches, insomnia) then yoga therapy and biofeedback could help change these automatic responses.

Meditation and breathing can also  develop your intuition and improve your ability to connect with other people since they develop our ability to interact less judgmentally and act with grace and acceptance.

For more information about group or private sessions please contact Dr Albin at 212-631-1133 or DrJayme@askthecbt.com

 

There are many reasons why this may occur:

• Regression- People have a strong tendency to revert back to former patterns of behavior when they return to places from their past. This is reinforced by the people around them who revert back to old expectations of behavior based on a former “identity”. For example, if you were a “drinker” in college you may find yourself drinking with old college friends just out of habit or failure to forge healthier common ground.

AsktheCBT Tip: Be mindful of yourself and how you want to behave before the holidays occur. Set a reminder for yourself to focus on it just before you get together with people.

AsktheCBT Tip: Make a specific commitment. Don’t just say I don’t want to get drunk. Set a limit to the number of cocktails or the amount you will spend.

AsktheCBT Tip: Practice ways to say “No thank you”. This way when your Uncle Al invites you to sneak out after dinner for your ritualistic post meal cigarette you can be prepared with “Thanks but I quit a week ago and I want to enter the New Year feeling good rather than making promises”

• “Holiday Head”: The Cognitive Influence – Where you justify every indulgent behavior with some notion of “it’s a special occasion so its okay to over indulge.”

This goes with food as well as spending.

Here’s some news: Money is money and food is food whether you spend or eat it on a holiday or not, if you cannot afford it or your waist line is already being pushed to the limit then don’t justify it. Remember that the food and items will most likely be there tomorrow.

• Stress- Not only does stress cause a physiological response in the body that shuts down our ability to digest food properly but it also shuts down our bodies’ ability to detect when it’s truly hungry.

On top of that, studies show that overweight or obese people have a  tendency to be more sensitive to certain external cues (e.g. taste, smell, social situations) than to internal cues (stomach motility) so in stressful situations heavier people are likely to over eat.

AsktheCBT Tip:  Breathe deeply. You can manage your hormone levels by engaging in properly paced diaphragmatic breathing (see my article on breathing your way to happiness for instruction). This will shut down your fight or flight response and work to restore your bodies’ equilibrium before you reach for another serving of potatoes.

• Failure to exercise: Due to “holiday head” (rationalizing that the holidays are a
time to relax and kick back) or because of less free time around the holidays people tend to forgo their exercise routine.

This is actually the worse time of year to indulge in a sedentary lifestyle- As our body becomes sedentary our nervous systems begin to mellow out, becoming “Flat”- similar to the make up of a depressed person. Studies show that when people are depressed they seek ways to self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, food and spending.

AsktheCBT Tip: Head it off at the pass! Don’t skimp on the exercise. If your gym is closed or operating on a limited schedule this is the time to take a walk outside or break out that DVD. The point is do something to get your body going for at least 20 minutes so you allow your body to secrete endorphins to liven your mood!

AsktheCBT Tip: If you exercise briefly before and after the meal you are more likely to maintain a healthy view throughout the dinner and will avoid the desire to snack before dinner starts.

Zipping it up: Don’t fail to enlist the support of others when trying to change behaviors. People who fail to ask for help from friends and family members because they are embarrassed, think they should be able to manage these things on their own or don’t want to be held accountable by others, reduce their chances of being successful. Why? Because as I already mentioned, people will expect you to behave the same unless you give them a reason to expect something different.

For more information about how to change your habits or manage your weight contact me at DrJayme@askthecbt.com or visit SculptNYC ,

Can acknowledging our own resourcefulness, “mental toughness” and stick-to-itiveness  be the fundamental difference between success and failure?

Self-efficacy relates to a person’s ability to have optimistic beliefs, but it’s more than just optimism, perceived self-efficacy explicitly refers to the belief in our ability to deal with challenging encounters. Thus it’s one’s belief that they have the capacity to organize & execute the necessary course of action to manage situations as they occur.

Self perceptions of self efficacy affect us in many ways:  thought patterns, actions and physical and emotional states of arousal. People with low self efficacy experience anxiety, hopelessness and anger.  They find it harder to bounce back after adversity.  Those with high self efficacy experience fulfillment and feelings of calmness that accompany decisiveness and certainty.  They are resilient to stress and are self motivating.

How does it affect our rate of success?

Self efficacy provides the foundation for human motivation, well being and personal accomplishments. The more we believe we can do, the more we invest and thus the greater likelihood we will accomplish our goals.

Empirical research has shown that belief in one’s ability to cope is a stronger predictor of success than objectively possessing the knowledge and operations skills necessary to get the task done.  This is because how we perceive our abilities impacts how we choose to utilize those tools in such a significant way, that it’s more valuable to the outcome than the quality and quantity of the tools themselves.

In our daily lives we make decisions about not only what course of action to pursue but how long to continue the behaviors we have undertaken.  Self efficacy affects how much effort and energy we invest in the decisions we make.

Therefore a positive outcome is not necessarily a matter of what is objectively true regarding knowledge or skills possessed at the time of the dilemma but rather a matter of attitude since self perception is more likely to influence behavior.

That’s why talented people can be plagued with self doubt while someone who is less talented will put themselves out there and get the task done.  Along the way the less talented person may experience some setbacks but they generally just ignore or discount them and maintain their perseverance.

What to do to build self efficacy:

As humans we have self regulatory mechanisms that provide us with the potential for self directed changes in our behavior.

The manner and degree to which people self regulate their actions are based on the ACCURACY and CONSISTENCY of self observation.  Ability to appropriately self -monitor and make judgments regarding one’s own choices need to be developed and sustained.

Start by being:

1. Mindful of your own emotions- Ask yourself at the top of each hour what primary emotions you are feeling and how likely they are to influence your behavior.
2. An Assumption Detective- Get in touch with your underlying attitudes and assumptions of individual decisions or hesitations (things you are avoiding) and investigate how truthful they are.   Use simple tasks to help develop the skill. For example if you decide to take a cab versus the train, the assumption may be that you will arrive sooner.  But is that necessarily true?  Ask yourself what could have happened if you had done the opposite? Then apply to things you are avoiding: if you don’t ask your boss for a raise is it because the assumption is that he will definitely say “No”. If you are not certain, then investigate before you let assumptions rule your actions.
3. Challenge your attributions: Attributions are the judgments we make about our own or the behaviors of others. Look for specific, situational causes to events rather than global, personalizations to explain things. This will give you a better blue print over where change in your behavior can occur.
4. Focus on Intent Vs Outcome: Set Tangible & Measurable Behavior Goals vs Subjective/ Outcome goals: Self motivators set personal behavior goals that encourage them to work in self directed ways. This involves measuring success by objective means that focus on intent versus outcome. For example, setting a goal of eating 1500 calories a day versus losing 5lbs or “trying to stay on your diet”. This is especially important since the most influential source of one’s self efficacy is the interpreted results of one’s previous performance.
5. Watch & Mimic an Expert Model: Through vicarious learning we can instill confidence that we are making the right decision simply because we have witnessed others be successful using similar strategies.
6. Avoid too much negative feedback & Surround yourself with Positivity: Social persuasion through feedback from others, including verbal judgments, constructive criticism and praise has a significant impact on how we rate our efforts.  And for the most part negative feedback can have a stronger impact than positive ones, therefore try to focus attention on strategies to utilize strengths and cope with weakness and avoid conversations or mental thoughts that involve berating yourself.
7. Meditate & Breath: Learn to calm Body Sensations and Emotional States- People have a tendency to gauge the degree of confidence by their emotional state as they contemplate an action.   Thus when we are anxious and hopeless we look to escape, convincing ourselves we should throw in the towel sooner, because they think ” Why bother it’s not going to work, so  what’s the point?

But the point is, as the famous Roman poet Virgil one’s wrote: “We are who we think we are-”. And one thing is certain, if we give up we definitely won’t win!

To contact Dr Jayme about individual or group therapy or corporate consultation please email DrJayme@AsktheCBT.com or 212-631-1133. Dr Albin is in private practice in Manhattan, New York and has many clients she provides phone or email services to.

This is because when someone else’s behavior exceeds OUR personal expectations in either a positive or negative way we feel a strong emotional response. So in the early stages it’s easy to extend beyond our  limited expectations. Thus, it’s common to frequently experience intense joy and excitement or grave disappointment and frustration when any relationship begins.

For example, if someone you are newly dating calls you to say “hello” in the middle of your day, you may feel a flutter of excitement. This is the same process that leaves you feeling “turned off” when a new acquaintance acts rudely towards you.

In the later stages

The longer we engage in the relationship, the more our expectations grow and become ingrained as a part of everyday life.

As a result positive and negative emotions occur when the other person’s behavior breaks or exceeds the  expectations-you-have-melded-together in such a way that it interrupts “typical on-going behaviors.”   So, when things are running smoothly, there are fewer interruptions and less intense emotions.

So now, not only do you begin to expect that phone call,
…. you become annoyed when it does not come
….while at the same time,  your sense of excitement for the call wears off.

Detrimental

Under estimating how important that particular call is a detrimental-habit that occurs in many long -term relationships. In fact according to Ellen Berscheid’s “Emotion-in-Relationships Model” partners in long-term romantic relationships are most likely to underestimate their emotional investment in the relationship when things are running smoothly. Under estimating the value of something often leads to neglect, lack of appreciation, and thus often a soured relationship.

Positive Self Esteem Starts with your View

What: Marvelous Mondays with Harry & Phil
When: Monday, February 8, 2010 at 11:00pm
Location: From the comfort of your computer or phone
Street: Corner of WiFi & Cellular

CALL IN # (347) 324-3604 And Ask your questions LIVE!!
or Listen ONLINE:

<you can tune in at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/marvelousmondays

Join in on the fun by sharing your positivity with the world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Join us this Monday, Feb 8th, 2010 at 11pm EST (GMT -5)
Meet Dr. Jayme Albin “The Cognitive Behavior Therapist” and founder of Sculpt NYC.

Phil: “I love what Dr. Jayme says in the ‘About Me’ section on her site:”

‘My approach can be described as supportive, hands-on, interactive, straightforward and motivating. There is a heavy influence of positive psychology with an emphasis on lifestyle enhancement that goes beyond just symptom relief. There is a strong emphasis on the acquisition of a balanced lifestyle that is designed to keep you moving forward towards your goals so your life is the most successful and fulfilling it can be.

I use techniques of cognitive restructuring, response prevention, active role-play, real life exposures (where I go with the client somewhere), virtual reality therapy, biofeedback,thought exposure, relaxation therapy, mindfulness and meditative therapies.’

For more info on Dr. Jayme visit her sites:

http://SculptNYC.com

https://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist.com

http://DrJaymeAlbin.com (coming soon)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Motivation is not about desire it’s about effort. The more effort, the more motivated!
Fight off Learned Helplessness & Depression by enlisting Motivation through Challenge and Reward.

If you are feeling bland about life, then stop to take an inventory of your environment for the necessary challenges and rewards needed to feel motivated.

In addition to clinically depressed people (as defined by the DSM IV, American Psychiatric Association), I see many clients in my practice who discuss feeling “off”, irritable or just plain dissatisfied with life.  They may or not necessarily feel “sad”.

They complain they lack motivation and interest in doing anything, perhaps blaming feeling tired, easily distracted or disengaged. They will commonly describe themselves as being lazy and a chronic procrastinator. Like clinically depressed people they may find that their sleep and appetite patterns are disrupted and they have an overly emotionally reaction.  However, their main focus is on their lack of inertia and motivation, and the strong impact it is having on their performance and expectations about reaching life long objectives.

These states are largely caused and maintained by lack of challenges and rewards in the environments we operate (e.g. work, home, social, gym, etc.). Rewards need to be obtainable and perceived as attainable.

Why? Well if we don’t think there is an obtainable reward we stop exerting effort and if we stop exerting effort its unlikely we will succeed.  On top of that if we do something continuously that’s not challenging, for the sake of the reward, we are likely to reduce our value for the reward and begin to dislike the activity.

Forrest Gump

This is why motivation is a direct function of effort not interest.

Confusing motivation with interest is a common mistake made by those who complain about lack of motivation; they blame their mood or not being into something as the cause of their diminished motivation rather than accurately accessing how much direct effort they are investing based on the likelihood of obtaining a valuable reward.

What effects how obtainable rewards actually are? Well 3 basic things:

* Availability- If the resources are available. Your organization has the funds or there are available single men or woman at the party.
* Deliverable- Is your  boss WILLING to give you the raise or the guy noticing you from across the room is confident enough to approach you to tell you how pretty you look.
* Achievable- is the task within a reasonable performance range?  If the expectation is perfection when you are a novice its unlikely you will obtain the reward, so it’s just as well not be available at all.

What effects our perception of attainability?

Uncontrollability and Learned helplessness:
Learned helplessness as its been studied in animals has shown that when dogs were first exposed to inescapable shocks they later failed to try to escape even when it was possible. This behavior, which has been attributed to perception of uncontrollability, has been demonstrated with people. For example studies have shown when people are exposed to inescapable noise and insoluble problems they later gave up trying in similar situations (See Seligman research for more)

Uncontrollability results in motivational, cognitive and emotional downsizing – we don’t try to find solutions or apply them fully since we don’t really believe anything will work.

What to do to:

1. Poor attitude-First develop an understanding of your own self-defeating attitudes.

For example: if you give up easily because you are not good at something then recognize you are depriving yourself of a motivating reward and perpetuating a bad cycle.

Homer

Originally uploaded by alana_hodgson

2. Gain Control-Make a list of areas where you largely feel you have no control and then brainstorm to figure out where you have control.

In most situations whether we readily see it or not there is some element of control. When we are victims of chronic learned helplessness seeing where just gets harder.

3.Find Value in Old Rewards- Review and record the reward areas in your life that are no longer meaningful to you.

* For example if you get a weekly pay check for the same job you may find yourself in need of a reward boost at work. Find a way to add a new challenge and reward to the situation.

4. Excuse tracking- Track where and when you make excuses for not doing something or giving more effort. Do this for 1 week and at the end of the week decide where you are going to apply more energy.

5. Challenges-Start with something intrinsically rewarding. This way it will be self-reinforcing and not dependent on someone else. For example, if you jog 1 mile a day;set a challenge to achieve 3 miles by the end of the month.

6. More exposure -Then up the anti by setting performance challenges that are more visible. Ask to take on new project at work even if it will not result necessarily in a raise or performance bonus. The public recognition will be rewarding enough and possibly set you up to get a raise.

Be proud of yourself and not just because I told you to. You are controlling your own motivation by putting effort in and that should feel good since it implies you have more control of your life then you probably think.

Challenging ourselves brings more than just shaking things up; it provides us opportunity for REWARD! Reward is not only necessary but without challenges we tend to ignore our NEED for reward altogether.

Too see this theory applied directly to your heath visit www.SculptNYC.com http://sculptnyc.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/got-rewards-stay-motivated/

For more information on consulting, coaching or clinical psychological services in New York or Los Angeles please contact DrJayme@askthecbt.com or 212-631-1133.
Dr. Albin works with groups and individuals providing cognitive behavior therapy and biofeedback.

* Do you have difficulty in some situations expressing thoughts, feelings or personal desires?
* Does fear of disapproval hinder your performance?
* Do you find saying “No” so difficult that you commonly endure undesired activity
* Do you have a pattern of suppressing bad feelings until one single event triggers explosions of resentment?
* Do you anticipate rejection or failure if assertive?
* Do you fear all conflict so much that you avoid stating your opinion?
* Do you avoid or suffer high levels of anxiety or discomfort in certain social interactions?
* Do you find yourself ruminating or consumed with worry when facing a threatening situation?
* Do you avoid dating or meeting new people?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, then you would probably benefit greatly from Group or Individual Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Social Shyness and Assertion Training.

Join me on Dec 20th for an extensive talk on what group therapy can do for you. I will be starting a new therapy group come the beginning of January and am looking for new members who are interested in expanding their lives and social skills.

Date: Sunday, December 20, 2009
Time: 3:00pm – 4:00pm
Location: Dr Albin West Midtown Office
36 West 44th Street `
Btw 5th & 6th Suite 701
New York, NY 10036
212-631-1133

RSVP Here on Meetup.com

Cognitive Behavior Therapy New York, NY

If you are looking to work towards overcoming these habits the first place to start is by UNDERSTANDING your mental rules and automatic thoughts that overlay your behavior and then DECIDING FIRMLY to do something about it.

Dr. Albin: I use bio-feedback and meditation to help reduce stress and performance anxiety directly. Then I work on the cognitive patterns that are part of the procrastination trap — the “I’ll start when I’m ready” self-talk, or “it’s hopeless now”, or whatever it is.

For some helpful tips listen to the interview I gave on the Procrastination Special Show that broadcasted live on Sept 21, 2009 on the Tom on Leadership Blog Radio Show.

Click Here Dr Jayme Albin’s Speaks on Procrastination92109

Or if you don’t have the time to listen to the 15 minute interview then take a few minutes to look over the main take away points as Tom so nicely summed them up.

Procrastinators struggle with self-control behaviors. It often consists of:

* Self Defeating Thoughts, that lead to
* Anxiety, that triggers
* Avoidance Behaviors, which feed
* Self Defeating Thoughts, etc.

Often my clients don’t realize that performance comes from two things – Ability and Motivation. They focus on Ability, and when performance lags, they see it as reflecting on Ability, which saps their confidence.

Once they undermine their own self-confidence, they continue to lose Motivation. This self-perpetuates.

Another way to describe this is, once you feel high levels of anxiety, your body wants to reduce that and reduce the stress hormones associated with it. One way to get a very small and temporary reduction in the stress is to make an empty promise. The empty promise then kicks real work further into the future and guarantees a return to even higher levels of anxiety. Then the brain wants that small reduction even more, and you’re even more strongly tempted to make the empty promise.

There are five main themes that follow procrastinators:
-Over-estimating how much time is left
-Under-estimating how much time the task takes
-Later I’ll feel better (fooling themselves about future motivation levels)
-Later I’ll feel “right” (belief that emotion must be congruent with the task)
-Perfectionists (belief that everything must be perfect before they can start)

I work with the client to identify the pattern then they work to find different patterns that can combat the dysfunctional pattern. This involves challenging their beliefs and giving them multiple alternative self-talk options and behavior targets.

Try this:
One of my clients who complains that she gets lost in mundane activity such as internet surfing now has the assignment of starting each new task at the quarter-hour mark. If she finishes one task at 9:07, she has to start the next one at 9:15. This gives the client practice at time estimating (an opportunity to challenge her cognitive distortion of underestimating time) and lets her exercise her self-control against impulsiveness.

By working on a system where the person chooses from a menu of options and is partially aware of her self-control problems can help alleviate the behavior pattern. Activating one’s choice and helping one adapt better to situations as they change rather than fall rigidly into black and white patterns of behaviors can have a positive impact on productivity and motivation and reduce procrastination behaviors.

Self-control can definitely be strengthened. You have to want to!!! Many folks believe that “one day” they will suddenly achieve self-control without work.

I (Dr. Albin) counter this by looking to their mission and vision for themselves. Who do they want to be? What sort of aspirations do they have? This provides the impetus for additional change.

I (Dr. Albin) believe very strongly in working outside your comfort zone, so you always grow and change and lead an every greater and richer and more fulfilling life.

For more information:

Listen to entire broadcast that featured 3 other experts including:
Dr. Toni Galardi, Ph.D. of LifeQuake Enterprises
DeAnna Radaj of Bante Design LLC
Rita Emmett of Emmett Enterprises, Inc.
Dr. Jayme Albin, MA, Ph.D www.AsktheCognitiveBehaviorTherapist.com
Or read more of the expert advice on comments here on

For more information on consulting, coaching or clinical psychological services in New York or Los Angeles please contact DrJayme@askthecbt.com or 212-631-1133.
Dr. Albin works with groups and individuals providing cognitive behavior therapy and biofeedback.

Phobia I

Originally uploaded by Daffnet

If you frequently feel intense irrational amounts of panic or anxiety in “seemingly harmless situations” and the need to escape to alleviate the physical symptoms you may be developing a phobia. Usually this leads to a strong desire to avoid these situations and a laundry list of behaviors that may look something like any combination of these:

• You may find yourself making excuses to skip out on taking the elevator or subway. You may suddenly find you prefer to take the local bus rather than the express train.

• You may find yourself preferring not to fly on long flights or during the evening. You may start avoiding visiting friends who live on high floors or work above a certain level.

• You may find yourself feeling angrier in traffic, even avoiding tunnel or bridge routes or particular highways.

• You may find that you don’t enjoy sporting events or music concerts as you once did. Or now when you attend the theater, your first job is to notice all of the exit signs. You may opt to sit in the aisle or purposely arrive late at meetings so you can sit close to the door.

• You may avoid one-on-one meetings or limit dates to specific situations or places where you feel comfortable. You may find yourself “feeling unsafe” outside of your home or neighborhood.

• You may find yourself leaving parties early or being able to cope with making small talk only after consuming a few alcoholic beverages. You may find yourself becoming less verbal in group-settings where you know a smaller percentage of the people, or making fewer requests for simple things as your anxiety worsens.

Your Body Has Memory!
Phobias can develop for a number of reasons such as modeled behavior from a parent, the result of a traumatic event or a biological predisposition, but commonly it is a conditioned response that maintains and worsens the problem.

A conditioned response is a learned automatic (physiological) response that is connected to the situation. So your body activates a knee jerk reaction ticking off an automatic nervous system response, which acts as an alarm warning you of danger.

The alarm response is neurological sympathetic arousal and looks something like this: increased heart rate, constriction of muscles, sweaty palms, shortness of breath, pins and needs in the fingers or toes, butterflies in the stomach, headache or clenched jaws or fists.

FALSE ALARM!
Only, in the phobic scenario, the danger is not real so the alarm is a false alarm and one THAT YOU SHOULD COME TO EXPECT.

This is an important point to grasp, and the essence of the cognitive therapy work I do with clients who experience phobias.

As one of my clients writes me shortly after flying to Africa after 3 weeks of hard work with me:

“While walking down the aisle and entering the plane, I had doubts about being able to do it. But the concept that you told me about it being my body lying to me, kept me going with minimal problems, just a few tears. Once seated the nervousness went away almost entirely, and there was rarely bad feelings. Other than that I was perfectly fine, and about 45 minutes into the flight I slept. When I woke up there was an hour left in the flight.

I now have no worries about making the flight back, worrying about the boat ride, etc. It all seems to have disappeared upon takeoff. I feel (at the moment, like I could fly anywhere).

Thanks a million. You’re a lifesaver.-DR”

RELAXATION

On the behavior side, practice shutting down the alarm response (sympathetic arousal) by practicing getting into the neurologically opposite position- parasympathetic arousal or simply put a true relaxation response.

Some great techniques to practice are deep diaphragmatic breathing, cardiovascular exercise, transcendental meditation, yoga and incorporating biofeedback.

My clinical specialty relies on a combination of breathing and meditation exercises that include biofeedback training to facilitate the clients’ ability to become neurologically and emotionally relaxed in challenging situations.

FACE YOUR FEAR
Then figure out ways to slowly challenge yourself rather than avoiding situations. Start with small incremental exposures. Staying in the situation will not only give your body an opportunity to learn a new response to the situation, but it will also stop validating to your body that the alarm was a real indication of danger.

REWARD  FOR STAYING NOT ESCAPING
If you are used to leaving a situation to obtain symptom termination, you have been rewarding the behavior with the sense of relief. Learn to reward yourself for staying in the situation so that your body learns to relieve itself and you feel good for challenging your self.

YOU ARE NOT SOLO
Although most people don’t generally talk openly about their phobias, the fact is that they are a very common condition.  It is estimated that over 20 million Americans suffer from a Phobia and more than 40 million Americans suffer from an Anxiety disorder.

So the next time you are putting yourself down for having such a condition, calling yourself “weak”, or feeling embarrassed by potential judgments from on-lookers, do your self a favor, pause for a moment to look around the situation

1. Odds are, you are probably NOT alone in your state of anxiety and others are feeling the same way!

2. Realize most people are too busy dealing with their own lives to
pay attention to your anxiety behavior that closely or really care.

3. Remember that Anxiety disorders are the most common mental problems and that your problem doesn’t need to be faced alone.

More Help

If you are feeling overwhelmed by challenging your anxiety elicit the aid of a professional cognitive behavioral specialist such as myself who can help you with the process.

For more information on the treatment, contact me at DrJayme@ASKtheCBT.com or 212-631-1133.

You can also read more about my methods of   treatment for phobias  and about a study I conducted demonstrating the effective use of Biofeedback and Virtual Reality Therapy in helping people overcome their Fear of Flying.

Treating Fear of Flying Using Biofeedback & Virtual Reality

http://tiny.cc/AsktheCBTFOF

The important thing to realize is that you can work against your phobias and live anxiety free!

Best,
Dr. Jayme 

Looking to succeed?

Most of us are, but what happens when the desire to succeed undermines our ability to perform?

Performance situations where we feel the pressure to excel can have a serious impact on how well we accomplish our goals. What’s more, it can leave one questioning their expectations, abilities and methods, as one reader writes, “My situation has left me confused about the best way to do well. I’m not even sure if I’m holding myself to too high or too low a standard anymore”.

Whether we are giving a stage performance, completing an important task at work, interviewing for a new position or preparing for a final exam, most of us respond to intense situations, where we feel judged, with a wave of adrenaline and a mild state of anxiety.

For many of us this simply activates and motivates behaviors directed towards completing the task at hand. We prepare, problem solve and follow through. The adrenaline drives our attention and concentration so we stay focused on what is the most vital: getting the job. Thus, we relieve the anxiety by accomplishing the difficult goal and reward ourselves with the sense of accomplishment, accompanied perhaps with a pat on back and a sigh of relief.

However, on the other hand, for others the anxiety reaction is much stronger. The elicited response is to become self-consumed, rather than task focused. The anxiety seems to derailed our problem solving and task oriented behaviors. Not only do we become self-critical, we spend too much time analyzing the overall situation trying determine if its “fair or not”. This not only diminishes our chances of being successful, but also causes more anxiety. On top of this, it negatively affects our self-esteem, leads us to draw erroneous negative conclusions from flawed evaluations and contributes to an overall defensive tone. In sum, it makes it harder to adapt to the situation.

What to do:

Lets start with the good news: This is a learned response to your anxiety.  So like many other anxiety reactions overtime, with proper and consistent training it can be unlearned and new habits can be formed.

• Start by practicing and developing techniques to reduce with your anxiety. Practice your breathing and incorporate its use into difficult situations. The calmer your body, the more in control of your thoughts you will be. Practice, practice & practice! This way your skills will be up to speed when a tough situations occurs. (see my post on breathing for more info)

• Inoculate yourself. Learn to accept your anxiety and not fear it. Remember that anxiety is a normal response. Focus on how the anxiety feels physically in alternative situations so you get used to the sensations and therefore, can better control your reactions. Just because you have an itch, doesn’t mean you always have to scratch it.

• Worst Case Scenario-Ask yourself what you are so worried about? Answer this question! Very anxious people usually generate a ton of questions in their head without providing any answers. This maintains the arousal and does nothing to resolve the situation.

Ground yourself by answering your own questions. Write out “What the Worst Case Scenario” would actually be.  Don’t skimp on the process (write it out).

Define all the steps that would have to occur, in sequential order to get you to the place of failure that you fear. Assign each step a probability score based on the chance of it happening.  Multiply those probabilities to determine the overall probability of your worse nightmare occurring. Sit with this realization. Odds are it’s lower than what you might have originally imagined, so let the reality seep in.

• Problem Solve- Just because your head is drawn towards self-evaluation does not mean you have to indulge those thoughts and behaviors.  If you are having a hard time staying focused, work with a partner or take frequent short breaks.

• Create Smaller Goals- Devise an action plan that includes focusing on short manageable behavioral goals rather than the whole project. For example, if you are working on reading a report for work, commit to reading a page in between each break rather than focusing on an entire section. This will at least give you the opportunity to be productive while waiting for your flow to develop or return.

• Use benchmarks to monitor and maintain your pace- For example, if you are giving a speech create mental and behavioral benchmarks in your presentation by breaking your slides into sections and including behavioral markers (such as photo slides). Remember to pause a moment and take 2 -3 deep breaths when you reach the marker.  Smile at your success before moving out to the next benchmark .

• Avoid emotional or abusive language- Words like “disaster”,“stupid”, “idiot”, “horrible” and “complete failure” don’t help they only hinder. Use objective language or rather scores to rate your performance or anxiety level. Reducing it to a number will help you contain the spread of the problem, but it will also help you to become more objective and less emotionally responsive.

• Boost your self esteem by teaching someone else. Build your confidence up by doing something that is challenging but you know you do well.  Consider teaching someone less experienced the skill. Allow yourself to feel a strong sense of pride.  Take a moment to reflect on how you view others around you who are less skilled.  Are you judging them as harshly as you would imagine they would judge you if the situation where reverse? Probably not.

Remember this: successful people are not successful because they are always naturally gifted or the best.  They are successful because failure and mediocrity does not seem to derail their efforts; they are successful because they always come back for more.
Dr. Jayme

:

My last article posted on decision making, “Are you suffering from ‘decision-making strategy neglect’? Maximizer vs. Satisficer”, focused on Stage 1, the information gathering phase. Now let’s focus on Stage two, the solution focus stage, where a solution is decided upon and then implemented.

More often than not, I see people experiencing mild to intense anxiety during this stage. This can result in a “non-decision”, where the idea of selecting a decision and staying with the decision long enough to implement is too anxiety provoking so nothing gets determined nor implemented in the appropriate manner.

This is anxiety can be driven by a number of reason but a common phenomenon observed is the concept of searching for “THE RIGHT decision” rather than the “the best solution” or “a good decision”. For those who are in search of the “THE RIGHT decision” they are often foolishly led by perfectionist ideals characterized by a desire to not just to maximize their resources, but by the belief that they must make one decision that satisfies their needs 100%. However, as our lives develop and become more complex, it becomes increasingly difficult to make decisions that satisfy all elements involved. Failure to grasp and accept this concept, often leads to internal conflict, dissonance and arousal; triggering the desire to renegotiate the decision process, perpetuating the cycle.

What to do:
Developing insight into your own style, as well as the styles of others, can help you determine which style works best for you and/or your organization and under what set of circumstances.

Like the information gathering phase, there are a number of different strategies that occur during the solution focus phase. We also vary in the number of potential solutions we simultaneously generate and consider.

A uni-focus style is denoted when the information collected is used to assemble one potential solution and follow one course of action in the implementation. Whereas, as multi-focused style includes developing alternative solutions.

Decision making research describes 5 basic decision making styles that consider whether the person is behaving as a maximizer vs. satisficer in combination with uni-focus or multi-focused style:

1. A Decisive style is a satisficing & unifocus style. These people pride themselves on making fast and efficient decision. They choose a course of action and implement it in the most expedited manner, ignoring any desire to reevaluate due to an uncertain future. The down side is that these people are often perceived as inflexible and short sighted. This approach is however seen often with politicians and business-men.

2. A Flexible style is a satisficing, multi-focus style. These people move fast, but are willing to drop one tactic in favor of another at any moment. Flexible decision makers do well in organizations or situations where there is a lot of quick change but can fall into a dangerous pitfall of being too flexible. Too flexible involves the willingness or desire to drop present decisions for new strategies before it’s necessary or because your priorities have changed, rather than the components of the situation itself. Thus they end up trying to be maximizers with the resources and intent of a satisficer.

3. The Hierarchical decision maker is maximizing & unifocus style. They use ample resources to identify the best solution and then work out a detailed and specific plan of action. Implementing this style without seeming too over controlling or rigid requires a lot of self-awareness and patience.

4. The Integrative style involves maximizing and a multi-focus style. Where more than one course of action is developed based on a lot of information. These people often pursue several course of action simultaneously; hence it requires ample resources during both stages. These people value creativity and diverse set of ideas and often work well groups.

5. The Systemic style combines characteristics of the hierarchic and integrative styles. Information is gathered in a maximizer way, but at times the solutions are uni-focused whereas at other times multi-focused. This person will produce multiple detailed solutions, with long terms goals but focus on applying plans that pertain to the near future.

The decisive and flexible styles tend to work best when things need to be done quickly and when the issues to be considered are relatively simple. The hierarchical, integrative, and systemic styles are best when applied to more complex matter that requires long term strategy, and considerable resource investment.

Thank you.