Two common ways in which may experience the idea of “failure” is when:

-We don’t  get what we want from others

-We don’t  perform  to the level we hoped/expected

Now depending on how YOU VIEW  the idea of failure and therefore the  situation- will result in either you protecting  your self esteem or helping it to  plummet downwards.

People with low self esteem consistently apply a mental filter so that when something bad happens they see that situation as:

• As Personal  ” this could only happen to a looser like myself”; “People are taking advantage of me, I am such an idiot”- This does not give room for other contributions and labeling just shuts us down.

• As Stable- ” I  am  no good. “  “People will never like Me”.  This is too stable because  it implies, this cannot be changed. 

• As  hopeless - Why can’t I ever succeed? This is never ending so it says, “I should just give up”.

• As Global or too general : “My Life is a mess”- This does not give us any direction to start.

Self esteem can broken down into 2 different levels.  Implicit self-esteem refers to a person’s disposition to evaluate themselves in a spontaneous, automatic, or unconscious manner. It contrasts with explicit self-esteem, which entails more conscious and reflective self-evaluation. Both types of self esteem are learned responses and therefore can be changed to include different responses.

What to do:

The next time you experience a failure, sense of disappointment or frustration over not getting what you want.  For example,  let say you get back bad feedback on a report at work.

-Ask yourself, How does this reflect you on personally? Then instead of personalizing the loss by either blaming yourself or others do the following :

- Identify what specifically  you did or  didn’t do to contribute to the failure?  For example,  recognize if you  only put an hour into writing the report and normally you give it 3 hours,  then there’s your solution.  If you want to do a better job, then invest more time.

-Then try to look for external or concrete  factors that influenced the outcome.  For example things out of one’s control or other things you were committed to  dealing  with .  So if  you  look back at the calender and realize that you  only HAD one hour  to give because of  other work or  your children, then so be it.

-If you blame others and see them as disrespecting you, identify what other factors are going on in their life and try to see if from their point of view. Maybe your wife or co work had other commitments or felt overwhelmed themselves.

-Then look for ways to feel hopeful about the situation by accepting that  not everything in life will always work out the same  and re-igniting  your commitment to any contributions you can to achieve more in your life!

-Remember being successful is more about your self efficacy and your willingness to improve and work at it.  For more read my article on Self Efficacy

 Yoga as a therapy? Why yes! Yoga provides you with you  with useful tools to change instantly how you feel emotionally, mentally and physically.

As a Clinical Psychologist and soon to be a certified Yoga Instructor (Kundalini Yoga in May 2011), I found myself giving out “prescriptions” of specific breathing and meditations more and more to patients these days so they can  heal their  nervous system and balance their hormones while we work together to modify thoughts and behaviors. It provides a system of immediate  emotional and mental relief.

The fact is that yoga techniques such as postures, breathing exercises and meditations that use mantra (sounds/vibration) and tapping (mudra) are extremely effective in reducing symptoms  depression and anxiety.  For some of my clients daily  breathing, meditation and exercise have replaced their anti-depressant or stimulants for attention deficits.

Quick Tip:Sit in cross legged position or on your heels. Make sure your spine is straight.  Bring your gaze to the tip of your nose. Relax your shoulders and abdominal area as you inhale. As you exhale gently bring your naval point inward and upwards.  Clear your mind. Focus on your breath for 3 min.

In addition they are effective in improving symptoms of  attention deficits and concentration,  as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and breaking  other bad patterns.  Studies show that certain meditations  are effective in improving memory and blood circulation to parts of the brain.

Yoga therapy facilitates cellular regeneration restoring our nervous systems and stimulates our hormones. This is important maintain focus and a balanced mood.  If you experience mood swings, battle with anxiety or experience physical stress reactions (headaches, migraines, TMJ, teeth grinding, back and should pain, stomach aches, insomnia) then yoga therapy and biofeedback could help change these automatic responses.

Meditation and breathing can also  develop your intuition and improve your ability to connect with other people since they develop our ability to interact less judgmentally and act with grace and acceptance.

For more information about group or private sessions please contact Dr Albin at 212-631-1133 or DrJayme@askthecbt.com

Motivation is not about desire it’s about effort. The more effort, the more motivated!
Fight off Learned Helplessness & Depression by enlisting Motivation through Challenge and Reward.

If you are feeling bland about life, then stop to take an inventory of your environment for the necessary challenges and rewards needed to feel motivated.

In addition to clinically depressed people (as defined by the DSM IV, American Psychiatric Association), I see many clients in my practice who discuss feeling “off”, irritable or just plain dissatisfied with life.  They may or not necessarily feel “sad”.

They complain they lack motivation and interest in doing anything, perhaps blaming feeling tired, easily distracted or disengaged. They will commonly describe themselves as being lazy and a chronic procrastinator. Like clinically depressed people they may find that their sleep and appetite patterns are disrupted and they have an overly emotionally reaction.  However, their main focus is on their lack of inertia and motivation, and the strong impact it is having on their performance and expectations about reaching life long objectives.

These states are largely caused and maintained by lack of challenges and rewards in the environments we operate (e.g. work, home, social, gym, etc.). Rewards need to be obtainable and perceived as attainable.

Why? Well if we don’t think there is an obtainable reward we stop exerting effort and if we stop exerting effort its unlikely we will succeed.  On top of that if we do something continuously that’s not challenging, for the sake of the reward, we are likely to reduce our value for the reward and begin to dislike the activity.

Forrest Gump

This is why motivation is a direct function of effort not interest.

Confusing motivation with interest is a common mistake made by those who complain about lack of motivation; they blame their mood or not being into something as the cause of their diminished motivation rather than accurately accessing how much direct effort they are investing based on the likelihood of obtaining a valuable reward.

What effects how obtainable rewards actually are? Well 3 basic things:

* Availability- If the resources are available. Your organization has the funds or there are available single men or woman at the party.
* Deliverable- Is your  boss WILLING to give you the raise or the guy noticing you from across the room is confident enough to approach you to tell you how pretty you look.
* Achievable- is the task within a reasonable performance range?  If the expectation is perfection when you are a novice its unlikely you will obtain the reward, so it’s just as well not be available at all.

What effects our perception of attainability?

Uncontrollability and Learned helplessness:
Learned helplessness as its been studied in animals has shown that when dogs were first exposed to inescapable shocks they later failed to try to escape even when it was possible. This behavior, which has been attributed to perception of uncontrollability, has been demonstrated with people. For example studies have shown when people are exposed to inescapable noise and insoluble problems they later gave up trying in similar situations (See Seligman research for more)

Uncontrollability results in motivational, cognitive and emotional downsizing – we don’t try to find solutions or apply them fully since we don’t really believe anything will work.

What to do to:

1. Poor attitude-First develop an understanding of your own self-defeating attitudes.

For example: if you give up easily because you are not good at something then recognize you are depriving yourself of a motivating reward and perpetuating a bad cycle.

Homer

Originally uploaded by alana_hodgson

2. Gain Control-Make a list of areas where you largely feel you have no control and then brainstorm to figure out where you have control.

In most situations whether we readily see it or not there is some element of control. When we are victims of chronic learned helplessness seeing where just gets harder.

3.Find Value in Old Rewards- Review and record the reward areas in your life that are no longer meaningful to you.

* For example if you get a weekly pay check for the same job you may find yourself in need of a reward boost at work. Find a way to add a new challenge and reward to the situation.

4. Excuse tracking- Track where and when you make excuses for not doing something or giving more effort. Do this for 1 week and at the end of the week decide where you are going to apply more energy.

5. Challenges-Start with something intrinsically rewarding. This way it will be self-reinforcing and not dependent on someone else. For example, if you jog 1 mile a day;set a challenge to achieve 3 miles by the end of the month.

6. More exposure -Then up the anti by setting performance challenges that are more visible. Ask to take on new project at work even if it will not result necessarily in a raise or performance bonus. The public recognition will be rewarding enough and possibly set you up to get a raise.

Be proud of yourself and not just because I told you to. You are controlling your own motivation by putting effort in and that should feel good since it implies you have more control of your life then you probably think.

Challenging ourselves brings more than just shaking things up; it provides us opportunity for REWARD! Reward is not only necessary but without challenges we tend to ignore our NEED for reward altogether.

Too see this theory applied directly to your heath visit www.SculptNYC.com http://sculptnyc.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/got-rewards-stay-motivated/

For more information on consulting, coaching or clinical psychological services in New York or Los Angeles please contact DrJayme@askthecbt.com or 212-631-1133.
Dr. Albin works with groups and individuals providing cognitive behavior therapy and biofeedback.