As we ring in the new year,   there are common traditions such as wishing everyone the healthiest, happiest and most abundant year! It’s also common place for most of us to  take a little time to reflect on the year that just passed.  Plus let’s not forget the  list of resolutions that most of us faithfully create year after year for what we  would like to accomplish in the year to come! 

The question is, does this process of reviewing where we have been and where we are going have any value ?  After all,  not too be cynical but the facts are  most of the resolutions made will be abandoned before February 1st and not seen or thought of again until the following December rolls around. 

 This   can be discouraging!  I often hear my clients complain ” when I pay close attention to the things I don’t  finish I   feel bad. Every year I don’t meet my goals and it makes me feel bad so why bother setting resolutions. However, I know I should quit smoking and everyone always says those who set future goals like a 5 year plan end up being the most successful. I feel stuck.”

    So should we  we bother to set resolutions and reflect on the past if it will only put us in a bad mood ?

Well on the flip side, if done correctly, reflecting on the past and setting intentions for the future does hold a lot of psychological value and research supports that it   CAN help us feel more satisfied and motivated. Yeah

So how do we achieve this. What to do :
1.  Start  by say good bye to 2011 properly .  Instead of mulling over what you didnt accomplish this past year  including the long forgone resolutions of 2011  -make a ” What I  did do list”.

Research supports that those of us who take a hearty look at what we did accomplish are more liklely to feel satisfied about completing even mundane activities.  This is important,  because  it’s likely that you will continue to be  held accountable  for similar  mundane tasks in 2012 .

So instead of focusing on the fact that you’re  still not living in your dream home-  try thinking about what you did to keep your home comfortable and neat . For example , how many times you made your bed or ran the vacuum.

If you are not in a committed relationship  and are in search for a partner- try thinking  about how many dates you willed yourself to go on rather than stay home to  order in Chinese take out.

If you are 10lbs away from your ideal weight-  take  a look at how often you worked out.

Or rather than focusing on your failure to get that raise or promotion- count how many meetings you attended, how many new clients you signed up, take a guesstimate on how many business calls or emails you responded to.

2. Try to come up with an objective measures – like number of hours spent at the gym, the percentage of hours spent in meetings for work or the number of reports written.   Now a days technology makes it easy to track  and review….  Just pull out your electronic calendar or review your sent email box for attachments.

Not everything  needs to be monumentally important but failing to do many of these tasks most likely will cost you status and move you further away from your ideal situation. Plus this   feeling  of basic satisfaction will make it easier for you to do an equal or better job in 2012.

When setting resolutions here are some basic tips to that will help you complete the tasks or at least keep your progress going for longer than a month!

1.  Know  your limits.  Industry leaders commonly limit their top executives to set 3 primary goals when tackling new challenges.  I suggest keeping it to one if it’s involves a major life change such a losing weight or quitting smoking. Review your top goals regularly, which bring us to numero 2

2. Set monthly goals rather than an annual resolution. For example, say in 2012 you want to lose 25 lbs- well chances are you are not going to lose all 25 lbs in January – so break it up into chunks. How many networking events or conferences will you attend this month to help you get that raise?

3. Set physical intentions that will move you towards your outcome goals. Make an action plan that has targets to meet.  Rather than saying ” lose 25 lbs in 2012″ create a  intention list for how many days you will work out or  walk to work.  How many nights will offer to stay late at work? One of my favorite authors of “Getting Things Done”, David Allen calls these next actions steps not to do’s.

4. Track and record your progress daily or as often as you can.    This way you can look at what you have done and use it as a motivator to get back on track if you start to fall behind.

5. Reward your self regularly for small successes & largely for big deals!  The idea you are trying to promote internally is ” I almost have it, I just need to keep at it”    Not  ” I suck because I didn’t make it”. The idea is to shape your behavior in the right direction and keep you interested in working towards completing whatever goal you set up.

The video game industry has successfully exploited this psychological principle more than any other industry. Think about it, no matter how many times a player  may technically lose or ” die”,  gamers usually go back with the notion ” If I keep playing I’ll eventually win” .

6. Set up a pre-implementation plan for facing challenging moments:

“I know that when I go to my favorite restaurant it’s tempting for me to not eat all the french fries on my plate so I decide in advance to ask for a side salad.”

Or if you are trying to save money for that dream house then when you go shopping set a limited budget of cash and leave your credit cards at home.

7.  Enlist the help of others.  Share your goals by either signing up for organized program (eg, weight watchers ) or buddying up with a friend  or a life coach/therapist  who will hold you accountable .

Need more help? Dr Albin is offering a discount for the month of January for new clients who enroll in her success identity program. Which features goal setting sessions, personalized tracking systems and weekly check in to keep you accountable. We have  2 convenient NYC locations  

For example when someone we are close to makes a comment that feels  hurtful to you.

At the time the comment is made you have a choice between seeing it “as an innocent comment from a loved one who said something we would just  prefer not to hear ” or  as “an awful and intentionally hurtful” .

The  first way of thinking is allows us to preserve the underlying emotional connection in the relationships  while the second damages  the relationship and stores away emotional material about the event.  If you want this relationship to repair or stay healthy I suggest you to take on the first attitude as quickly and as much as possible.  

Recognizing that at the time of the infraction you are more likely to see it as more problematic and hurtful can help you can some mental flexibility and control.

Fear of flying is a growing problem, that currently affects about 25 Million Americans.

Behavior therapy programs for the treatment of Flight Anxiety using biofeedback and virtual reality therapy have been proven to be the most effective.

The VRBP (Virtual Reality Biofeedback Program ) is based largely on psychological principals of Exposure therapy and Desensitization.  Exposure is delivered through the virtual reality simulator and  relaxation training occurs using state of the art biofeedback. Using biofeedback allows you to develop the proper neurological relaxation response and ensures you are you doing it correctly. The change in your system occurs when  you are  locked into the “relaxation response” using biofeedback while  simultaneously being exposed to the flight situations- this  reprograms the nervous system to associate new emotions with flying and release anxious feelings.

Dr. Jayme Albin is an expert in treating phobias using Virtual Reality, Biofeedback and other exposure methods. For more information or to inquire about scheduling an appointment please contact
212-631-1133 or DrJayme@asktheCBT.com

The situations can range from personal conversations, to eating food in a restaurant, to giving a presentation at the office.

It’s helpful to break the cycle (see above) by reducing the frequency of escape and avoidance while challenging faulty thoughts and reducing or managing physiological symptoms (heart racing, sweaty palms, short breathing). For more information please contact Dr Albin at DrJayme@AsktheCBT.com or 212-631-1133

Two common ways in which may experience the idea of “failure” is when:

-We don’t  get what we want from others

-We don’t  perform  to the level we hoped/expected

Now depending on how YOU VIEW  the idea of failure and therefore the  situation- will result in either you protecting  your self esteem or helping it to  plummet downwards.

People with low self esteem consistently apply a mental filter so that when something bad happens they see that situation as:

• As Personal  ” this could only happen to a looser like myself”; “People are taking advantage of me, I am such an idiot”- This does not give room for other contributions and labeling just shuts us down.

• As Stable- ” I  am  no good. “  “People will never like Me”.  This is too stable because  it implies, this cannot be changed. 

• As  hopeless - Why can’t I ever succeed? This is never ending so it says, “I should just give up”.

• As Global or too general : “My Life is a mess”- This does not give us any direction to start.

Self esteem can broken down into 2 different levels.  Implicit self-esteem refers to a person’s disposition to evaluate themselves in a spontaneous, automatic, or unconscious manner. It contrasts with explicit self-esteem, which entails more conscious and reflective self-evaluation. Both types of self esteem are learned responses and therefore can be changed to include different responses.

What to do:

The next time you experience a failure, sense of disappointment or frustration over not getting what you want.  For example,  let say you get back bad feedback on a report at work.

-Ask yourself, How does this reflect you on personally? Then instead of personalizing the loss by either blaming yourself or others do the following :

- Identify what specifically  you did or  didn’t do to contribute to the failure?  For example,  recognize if you  only put an hour into writing the report and normally you give it 3 hours,  then there’s your solution.  If you want to do a better job, then invest more time.

-Then try to look for external or concrete  factors that influenced the outcome.  For example things out of one’s control or other things you were committed to  dealing  with .  So if  you  look back at the calender and realize that you  only HAD one hour  to give because of  other work or  your children, then so be it.

-If you blame others and see them as disrespecting you, identify what other factors are going on in their life and try to see if from their point of view. Maybe your wife or co work had other commitments or felt overwhelmed themselves.

-Then look for ways to feel hopeful about the situation by accepting that  not everything in life will always work out the same  and re-igniting  your commitment to any contributions you can to achieve more in your life!

-Remember being successful is more about your self efficacy and your willingness to improve and work at it.  For more read my article on Self Efficacy

 Yoga as a therapy? Why yes! Yoga provides you with you  with useful tools to change instantly how you feel emotionally, mentally and physically.

As a Clinical Psychologist and soon to be a certified Yoga Instructor (Kundalini Yoga in May 2011), I found myself giving out “prescriptions” of specific breathing and meditations more and more to patients these days so they can  heal their  nervous system and balance their hormones while we work together to modify thoughts and behaviors. It provides a system of immediate  emotional and mental relief.

The fact is that yoga techniques such as postures, breathing exercises and meditations that use mantra (sounds/vibration) and tapping (mudra) are extremely effective in reducing symptoms  depression and anxiety.  For some of my clients daily  breathing, meditation and exercise have replaced their anti-depressant or stimulants for attention deficits.

Quick Tip:Sit in cross legged position or on your heels. Make sure your spine is straight.  Bring your gaze to the tip of your nose. Relax your shoulders and abdominal area as you inhale. As you exhale gently bring your naval point inward and upwards.  Clear your mind. Focus on your breath for 3 min.

In addition they are effective in improving symptoms of  attention deficits and concentration,  as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and breaking  other bad patterns.  Studies show that certain meditations  are effective in improving memory and blood circulation to parts of the brain.

Yoga therapy facilitates cellular regeneration restoring our nervous systems and stimulates our hormones. This is important maintain focus and a balanced mood.  If you experience mood swings, battle with anxiety or experience physical stress reactions (headaches, migraines, TMJ, teeth grinding, back and should pain, stomach aches, insomnia) then yoga therapy and biofeedback could help change these automatic responses.

Meditation and breathing can also  develop your intuition and improve your ability to connect with other people since they develop our ability to interact less judgmentally and act with grace and acceptance.

For more information about group or private sessions please contact Dr Albin at 212-631-1133 or DrJayme@askthecbt.com

Understanding Automatic thoughts is a good place to start  this process (called metacognitive process).

Automatic thoughts are the thoughts and images that involuntarily pop into our conscious (or just below if they are habitual). They make up how we “read” a situation. Understanding your automatic thoughts  can influence change in a variety of situations.

Here are some examples:

• You are at work and you see a look of disapproval on your boss’ face in response to something you have given him. Your automatic thought (AT) is  ”Oh no, he thinks I am stupid, I will never get promoted”.
• You are at a social gathering where  someone looks at you inquisitively,  your AT is “That person does not like me! What did I do wrong?”
• You are in cab and the driver runs into traffic, your AT is “What’s wrong with you? Why  didn’t you  know to take the other route, you idiot?!”

AT’s are dangerous because usually we take for granted that they are True. Even more dangerous, we have a tendency to accept them as the only explanation or view of the scenario.  Reactive behavior is based on automatic thinking.

In CBT, we examine the automatic thoughts to see just how accurate or functional they really are. That is called reality testing. When we reality test we often find there were other avenues we could have taken with our responses.

It does not necessarily mean that our original opinion or automatic thoughts are  entirely wrong, but rather it helps us to integrate the perspective of others or reduce  biases that create extreme reactions to events.
By reality testing and other methods of examining our automatic thoughts we can then behave proactively, including problem solving in improve situations.
So going back to our examples, when we reality test and practice replacing the automatic thought with a more helpful one we come up with:

• When you see a look of disapproval on your boss’ face in response to something you have given him. Your replacement thought can be  ”He is not pleased with the project, so  let me ask him what I can do to improve it”.
• So when you see someone look at you inquisitively,  your replacement thought can be  ”That person does not seem to be happy, let me go over and see if I can address any misunderstanding or help “
• You are in cab and the driver runs into traffic, your replacement thought can be  ” Maybe I can ask him if there is another route he knows of? “

The best part of this method of thinking and responding is that there is no down side in attempting to improve on any situation!

These biases and extreme reactions come out in stressful or emotional situations because our automatic thoughts are based on beliefs we have about ourselves, others and the world in which we live . These are called core beliefs or schema. These core beliefs and schema show up in the form of expectations, assumptions and judgments and are  reinforced by our reactive behavior and thought patterns.

Visit Sculpt NYC for a health and wellness application http://sculptnyc.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/automatic-thinking-reactive-eating/

For more information about Cognitive Behavior Therapy or Integrative Yoga Therapy please contact Dr. Jayme Albin DrJayme@AsktheCBT.com 212-631-1133

 

There are many reasons why this may occur:

• Regression- People have a strong tendency to revert back to former patterns of behavior when they return to places from their past. This is reinforced by the people around them who revert back to old expectations of behavior based on a former “identity”. For example, if you were a “drinker” in college you may find yourself drinking with old college friends just out of habit or failure to forge healthier common ground.

AsktheCBT Tip: Be mindful of yourself and how you want to behave before the holidays occur. Set a reminder for yourself to focus on it just before you get together with people.

AsktheCBT Tip: Make a specific commitment. Don’t just say I don’t want to get drunk. Set a limit to the number of cocktails or the amount you will spend.

AsktheCBT Tip: Practice ways to say “No thank you”. This way when your Uncle Al invites you to sneak out after dinner for your ritualistic post meal cigarette you can be prepared with “Thanks but I quit a week ago and I want to enter the New Year feeling good rather than making promises”

• “Holiday Head”: The Cognitive Influence – Where you justify every indulgent behavior with some notion of “it’s a special occasion so its okay to over indulge.”

This goes with food as well as spending.

Here’s some news: Money is money and food is food whether you spend or eat it on a holiday or not, if you cannot afford it or your waist line is already being pushed to the limit then don’t justify it. Remember that the food and items will most likely be there tomorrow.

• Stress- Not only does stress cause a physiological response in the body that shuts down our ability to digest food properly but it also shuts down our bodies’ ability to detect when it’s truly hungry.

On top of that, studies show that overweight or obese people have a  tendency to be more sensitive to certain external cues (e.g. taste, smell, social situations) than to internal cues (stomach motility) so in stressful situations heavier people are likely to over eat.

AsktheCBT Tip:  Breathe deeply. You can manage your hormone levels by engaging in properly paced diaphragmatic breathing (see my article on breathing your way to happiness for instruction). This will shut down your fight or flight response and work to restore your bodies’ equilibrium before you reach for another serving of potatoes.

• Failure to exercise: Due to “holiday head” (rationalizing that the holidays are a
time to relax and kick back) or because of less free time around the holidays people tend to forgo their exercise routine.

This is actually the worse time of year to indulge in a sedentary lifestyle- As our body becomes sedentary our nervous systems begin to mellow out, becoming “Flat”- similar to the make up of a depressed person. Studies show that when people are depressed they seek ways to self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, food and spending.

AsktheCBT Tip: Head it off at the pass! Don’t skimp on the exercise. If your gym is closed or operating on a limited schedule this is the time to take a walk outside or break out that DVD. The point is do something to get your body going for at least 20 minutes so you allow your body to secrete endorphins to liven your mood!

AsktheCBT Tip: If you exercise briefly before and after the meal you are more likely to maintain a healthy view throughout the dinner and will avoid the desire to snack before dinner starts.

Zipping it up: Don’t fail to enlist the support of others when trying to change behaviors. People who fail to ask for help from friends and family members because they are embarrassed, think they should be able to manage these things on their own or don’t want to be held accountable by others, reduce their chances of being successful. Why? Because as I already mentioned, people will expect you to behave the same unless you give them a reason to expect something different.

For more information about how to change your habits or manage your weight contact me at DrJayme@askthecbt.com or visit SculptNYC ,

Can acknowledging our own resourcefulness, “mental toughness” and stick-to-itiveness  be the fundamental difference between success and failure?

Self-efficacy relates to a person’s ability to have optimistic beliefs, but it’s more than just optimism, perceived self-efficacy explicitly refers to the belief in our ability to deal with challenging encounters. Thus it’s one’s belief that they have the capacity to organize & execute the necessary course of action to manage situations as they occur.

Self perceptions of self efficacy affect us in many ways:  thought patterns, actions and physical and emotional states of arousal. People with low self efficacy experience anxiety, hopelessness and anger.  They find it harder to bounce back after adversity.  Those with high self efficacy experience fulfillment and feelings of calmness that accompany decisiveness and certainty.  They are resilient to stress and are self motivating.

How does it affect our rate of success?

Self efficacy provides the foundation for human motivation, well being and personal accomplishments. The more we believe we can do, the more we invest and thus the greater likelihood we will accomplish our goals.

Empirical research has shown that belief in one’s ability to cope is a stronger predictor of success than objectively possessing the knowledge and operations skills necessary to get the task done.  This is because how we perceive our abilities impacts how we choose to utilize those tools in such a significant way, that it’s more valuable to the outcome than the quality and quantity of the tools themselves.

In our daily lives we make decisions about not only what course of action to pursue but how long to continue the behaviors we have undertaken.  Self efficacy affects how much effort and energy we invest in the decisions we make.

Therefore a positive outcome is not necessarily a matter of what is objectively true regarding knowledge or skills possessed at the time of the dilemma but rather a matter of attitude since self perception is more likely to influence behavior.

That’s why talented people can be plagued with self doubt while someone who is less talented will put themselves out there and get the task done.  Along the way the less talented person may experience some setbacks but they generally just ignore or discount them and maintain their perseverance.

What to do to build self efficacy:

As humans we have self regulatory mechanisms that provide us with the potential for self directed changes in our behavior.

The manner and degree to which people self regulate their actions are based on the ACCURACY and CONSISTENCY of self observation.  Ability to appropriately self -monitor and make judgments regarding one’s own choices need to be developed and sustained.

Start by being:

1. Mindful of your own emotions- Ask yourself at the top of each hour what primary emotions you are feeling and how likely they are to influence your behavior.
2. An Assumption Detective- Get in touch with your underlying attitudes and assumptions of individual decisions or hesitations (things you are avoiding) and investigate how truthful they are.   Use simple tasks to help develop the skill. For example if you decide to take a cab versus the train, the assumption may be that you will arrive sooner.  But is that necessarily true?  Ask yourself what could have happened if you had done the opposite? Then apply to things you are avoiding: if you don’t ask your boss for a raise is it because the assumption is that he will definitely say “No”. If you are not certain, then investigate before you let assumptions rule your actions.
3. Challenge your attributions: Attributions are the judgments we make about our own or the behaviors of others. Look for specific, situational causes to events rather than global, personalizations to explain things. This will give you a better blue print over where change in your behavior can occur.
4. Focus on Intent Vs Outcome: Set Tangible & Measurable Behavior Goals vs Subjective/ Outcome goals: Self motivators set personal behavior goals that encourage them to work in self directed ways. This involves measuring success by objective means that focus on intent versus outcome. For example, setting a goal of eating 1500 calories a day versus losing 5lbs or “trying to stay on your diet”. This is especially important since the most influential source of one’s self efficacy is the interpreted results of one’s previous performance.
5. Watch & Mimic an Expert Model: Through vicarious learning we can instill confidence that we are making the right decision simply because we have witnessed others be successful using similar strategies.
6. Avoid too much negative feedback & Surround yourself with Positivity: Social persuasion through feedback from others, including verbal judgments, constructive criticism and praise has a significant impact on how we rate our efforts.  And for the most part negative feedback can have a stronger impact than positive ones, therefore try to focus attention on strategies to utilize strengths and cope with weakness and avoid conversations or mental thoughts that involve berating yourself.
7. Meditate & Breath: Learn to calm Body Sensations and Emotional States- People have a tendency to gauge the degree of confidence by their emotional state as they contemplate an action.   Thus when we are anxious and hopeless we look to escape, convincing ourselves we should throw in the towel sooner, because they think ” Why bother it’s not going to work, so  what’s the point?

But the point is, as the famous Roman poet Virgil one’s wrote: “We are who we think we are-”. And one thing is certain, if we give up we definitely won’t win!

To contact Dr Jayme about individual or group therapy or corporate consultation please email DrJayme@AsktheCBT.com or 212-631-1133. Dr Albin is in private practice in Manhattan, New York and has many clients she provides phone or email services to.

Fear of flying is a growing problem, that currently affects about 25 Million Americans.

The study featured in this book compared two behavior therapy programs for the treatment of Flight Anxiety.  Both treatments used virtual reality and biofeedback therapy but in 2 different treatment models.

The study was conducted on a total of 40 participants who had a fear of flying: 20 patients were treated using the experimental model known as the “Competing Response Method” and 20 with the existing standard of treatment, known as the “Strict Exposure Method”.

Both groups received Virtual Reality (VR) as the method exposure to the stimulus and biofeedback on autonomic functioning (heart rate, breathing rate, and skin response).

“Strict Exposure Method” or the control group was treated with graded exposure, where the participants were repeatedly exposed to flight situations through use of the Virtual Reality Therapy (VR) while receiving continuous biofeedback on physiological sensations.

The experimental group was treated using a “Competing Response Method” based on systematic desensitization. With this method participants were repeatedly exposed to flight situations through Virtual Reality (VR) while engaging in relaxation techniques to counter the anxiety response. They were taught to alter their breathing through the continuous feedback provided by the biofeedback on physiological sensations (Heart rate, breathing and skin response).

Outcome measures on flight and general anxiety focusing on both thoughts and physical symptoms of anxiety revealed that while both treatment models were effective at reducing or eliminating flight anxiety, the experimental treatment (as developed by Dr. Albin) relying on the “Competing Response Method’ was significantly better.

See Dr. Jayme Albin in action working with a patient with Phobias YouTube

Dr. Jayme Albin is an expert in treating phobias using Virtual Reality, Biofeedback and other exposure methods. For more information or to inquire about scheduling an appointment please contact
212-631-1133 or DrJayme@asktheCBT.com

This is because when someone else’s behavior exceeds OUR personal expectations in either a positive or negative way we feel a strong emotional response. So in the early stages it’s easy to extend beyond our  limited expectations. Thus, it’s common to frequently experience intense joy and excitement or grave disappointment and frustration when any relationship begins.

For example, if someone you are newly dating calls you to say “hello” in the middle of your day, you may feel a flutter of excitement. This is the same process that leaves you feeling “turned off” when a new acquaintance acts rudely towards you.

In the later stages

The longer we engage in the relationship, the more our expectations grow and become ingrained as a part of everyday life.

As a result positive and negative emotions occur when the other person’s behavior breaks or exceeds the  expectations-you-have-melded-together in such a way that it interrupts “typical on-going behaviors.”   So, when things are running smoothly, there are fewer interruptions and less intense emotions.

So now, not only do you begin to expect that phone call,
…. you become annoyed when it does not come
….while at the same time,  your sense of excitement for the call wears off.

Detrimental

Under estimating how important that particular call is a detrimental-habit that occurs in many long -term relationships. In fact according to Ellen Berscheid’s “Emotion-in-Relationships Model” partners in long-term romantic relationships are most likely to underestimate their emotional investment in the relationship when things are running smoothly. Under estimating the value of something often leads to neglect, lack of appreciation, and thus often a soured relationship.

Positive Self Esteem Starts with your View

What: Marvelous Mondays with Harry & Phil
When: Monday, February 8, 2010 at 11:00pm
Location: From the comfort of your computer or phone
Street: Corner of WiFi & Cellular

CALL IN # (347) 324-3604 And Ask your questions LIVE!!
or Listen ONLINE:

<you can tune in at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/marvelousmondays

Join in on the fun by sharing your positivity with the world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Join us this Monday, Feb 8th, 2010 at 11pm EST (GMT -5)
Meet Dr. Jayme Albin “The Cognitive Behavior Therapist” and founder of Sculpt NYC.

Phil: “I love what Dr. Jayme says in the ‘About Me’ section on her site:”

‘My approach can be described as supportive, hands-on, interactive, straightforward and motivating. There is a heavy influence of positive psychology with an emphasis on lifestyle enhancement that goes beyond just symptom relief. There is a strong emphasis on the acquisition of a balanced lifestyle that is designed to keep you moving forward towards your goals so your life is the most successful and fulfilling it can be.

I use techniques of cognitive restructuring, response prevention, active role-play, real life exposures (where I go with the client somewhere), virtual reality therapy, biofeedback,thought exposure, relaxation therapy, mindfulness and meditative therapies.’

For more info on Dr. Jayme visit her sites:

http://SculptNYC.com

https://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist.com

http://DrJaymeAlbin.com (coming soon)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Motivation is not about desire it’s about effort. The more effort, the more motivated!
Fight off Learned Helplessness & Depression by enlisting Motivation through Challenge and Reward.

If you are feeling bland about life, then stop to take an inventory of your environment for the necessary challenges and rewards needed to feel motivated.

In addition to clinically depressed people (as defined by the DSM IV, American Psychiatric Association), I see many clients in my practice who discuss feeling “off”, irritable or just plain dissatisfied with life.  They may or not necessarily feel “sad”.

They complain they lack motivation and interest in doing anything, perhaps blaming feeling tired, easily distracted or disengaged. They will commonly describe themselves as being lazy and a chronic procrastinator. Like clinically depressed people they may find that their sleep and appetite patterns are disrupted and they have an overly emotionally reaction.  However, their main focus is on their lack of inertia and motivation, and the strong impact it is having on their performance and expectations about reaching life long objectives.

These states are largely caused and maintained by lack of challenges and rewards in the environments we operate (e.g. work, home, social, gym, etc.). Rewards need to be obtainable and perceived as attainable.

Why? Well if we don’t think there is an obtainable reward we stop exerting effort and if we stop exerting effort its unlikely we will succeed.  On top of that if we do something continuously that’s not challenging, for the sake of the reward, we are likely to reduce our value for the reward and begin to dislike the activity.

Forrest Gump

This is why motivation is a direct function of effort not interest.

Confusing motivation with interest is a common mistake made by those who complain about lack of motivation; they blame their mood or not being into something as the cause of their diminished motivation rather than accurately accessing how much direct effort they are investing based on the likelihood of obtaining a valuable reward.

What effects how obtainable rewards actually are? Well 3 basic things:

* Availability- If the resources are available. Your organization has the funds or there are available single men or woman at the party.
* Deliverable- Is your  boss WILLING to give you the raise or the guy noticing you from across the room is confident enough to approach you to tell you how pretty you look.
* Achievable- is the task within a reasonable performance range?  If the expectation is perfection when you are a novice its unlikely you will obtain the reward, so it’s just as well not be available at all.

What effects our perception of attainability?

Uncontrollability and Learned helplessness:
Learned helplessness as its been studied in animals has shown that when dogs were first exposed to inescapable shocks they later failed to try to escape even when it was possible. This behavior, which has been attributed to perception of uncontrollability, has been demonstrated with people. For example studies have shown when people are exposed to inescapable noise and insoluble problems they later gave up trying in similar situations (See Seligman research for more)

Uncontrollability results in motivational, cognitive and emotional downsizing – we don’t try to find solutions or apply them fully since we don’t really believe anything will work.

What to do to:

1. Poor attitude-First develop an understanding of your own self-defeating attitudes.

For example: if you give up easily because you are not good at something then recognize you are depriving yourself of a motivating reward and perpetuating a bad cycle.

Homer

Originally uploaded by alana_hodgson

2. Gain Control-Make a list of areas where you largely feel you have no control and then brainstorm to figure out where you have control.

In most situations whether we readily see it or not there is some element of control. When we are victims of chronic learned helplessness seeing where just gets harder.

3.Find Value in Old Rewards- Review and record the reward areas in your life that are no longer meaningful to you.

* For example if you get a weekly pay check for the same job you may find yourself in need of a reward boost at work. Find a way to add a new challenge and reward to the situation.

4. Excuse tracking- Track where and when you make excuses for not doing something or giving more effort. Do this for 1 week and at the end of the week decide where you are going to apply more energy.

5. Challenges-Start with something intrinsically rewarding. This way it will be self-reinforcing and not dependent on someone else. For example, if you jog 1 mile a day;set a challenge to achieve 3 miles by the end of the month.

6. More exposure -Then up the anti by setting performance challenges that are more visible. Ask to take on new project at work even if it will not result necessarily in a raise or performance bonus. The public recognition will be rewarding enough and possibly set you up to get a raise.

Be proud of yourself and not just because I told you to. You are controlling your own motivation by putting effort in and that should feel good since it implies you have more control of your life then you probably think.

Challenging ourselves brings more than just shaking things up; it provides us opportunity for REWARD! Reward is not only necessary but without challenges we tend to ignore our NEED for reward altogether.

Too see this theory applied directly to your heath visit www.SculptNYC.com http://sculptnyc.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/got-rewards-stay-motivated/

For more information on consulting, coaching or clinical psychological services in New York or Los Angeles please contact DrJayme@askthecbt.com or 212-631-1133.
Dr. Albin works with groups and individuals providing cognitive behavior therapy and biofeedback.

So since I am wondering what you came up with, thought I’d enlighten you with some information about how we normally think when interpreting the behaviors of others.

When interpreting the cause of someone’s behavior we are more likely to think the reason has more to do with a personal reason than attribute it to a situational factor. For example, when a friend fails to call you, you are more likely to see their behavior as disinterested, rude, carelessness or disorganized, rather than to weigh heavily that they may be busy at work, talking to someone else, in a quiet or too noisy of a place or with no cell phone reception.

However, the opposite is true in situations that occur when we are the ones who don’t deliver. In these situations, we are likely to focus on the circumstances rather than attribute it to personal feelings. So when you are guilty for not calling a friend, you are more likely to think about the fact that you are busy at work or bogged down with the kids rather than connect it to not caring or dislike.

Remember this the next time you feel disappointed by the activities of others. You may want to ask about their actions before you assess personal blame. You may want to consider more heavily what circumstances were occurring at the time.

Also the next time you disappoint someone you may want to consider making sure they have not attached more of a personalization to it than you have. Regardless of your intentions or attributions, it still might sting. You can do this is a number of ways but usually open communication works best.

Dr. Jayme

* Do you have difficulty in some situations expressing thoughts, feelings or personal desires?
* Does fear of disapproval hinder your performance?
* Do you find saying “No” so difficult that you commonly endure undesired activity
* Do you have a pattern of suppressing bad feelings until one single event triggers explosions of resentment?
* Do you anticipate rejection or failure if assertive?
* Do you fear all conflict so much that you avoid stating your opinion?
* Do you avoid or suffer high levels of anxiety or discomfort in certain social interactions?
* Do you find yourself ruminating or consumed with worry when facing a threatening situation?
* Do you avoid dating or meeting new people?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, then you would probably benefit greatly from Group or Individual Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Social Shyness and Assertion Training.

Join me on Dec 20th for an extensive talk on what group therapy can do for you. I will be starting a new therapy group come the beginning of January and am looking for new members who are interested in expanding their lives and social skills.

Date: Sunday, December 20, 2009
Time: 3:00pm – 4:00pm
Location: Dr Albin West Midtown Office
36 West 44th Street `
Btw 5th & 6th Suite 701
New York, NY 10036
212-631-1133

RSVP Here on Meetup.com

Cognitive Behavior Therapy New York, NY