Positive Self Esteem Starts with your View

What: Marvelous Mondays with Harry & Phil
When: Monday, February 8, 2010 at 11:00pm
Location: From the comfort of your computer or phone
Street: Corner of WiFi & Cellular

CALL IN # (347) 324-3604 And Ask your questions LIVE!!
or Listen ONLINE:

<you can tune in at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/marvelousmondays

Join in on the fun by sharing your positivity with the world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Join us this Monday, Feb 8th, 2010 at 11pm EST (GMT -5)
Meet Dr. Jayme Albin “The Cognitive Behavior Therapist” and founder of Sculpt NYC.

Phil: “I love what Dr. Jayme says in the ‘About Me’ section on her site:”

‘My approach can be described as supportive, hands-on, interactive, straightforward and motivating. There is a heavy influence of positive psychology with an emphasis on lifestyle enhancement that goes beyond just symptom relief. There is a strong emphasis on the acquisition of a balanced lifestyle that is designed to keep you moving forward towards your goals so your life is the most successful and fulfilling it can be.

I use techniques of cognitive restructuring, response prevention, active role-play, real life exposures (where I go with the client somewhere), virtual reality therapy, biofeedback,thought exposure, relaxation therapy, mindfulness and meditative therapies.’

For more info on Dr. Jayme visit her sites:

http://SculptNYC.com

https://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist.com

http://DrJaymeAlbin.com (coming soon)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Motivation is not about desire it’s about effort. The more effort, the more motivated!
Fight off Learned Helplessness & Depression by enlisting Motivation through Challenge and Reward.

If you are feeling bland about life, then stop to take an inventory of your environment for the necessary challenges and rewards needed to feel motivated.

In addition to clinically depressed people (as defined by the DSM IV, American Psychiatric Association), I see many clients in my practice who discuss feeling “off”, irritable or just plain dissatisfied with life.  They may or not necessarily feel “sad”.

They complain they lack motivation and interest in doing anything, perhaps blaming feeling tired, easily distracted or disengaged. They will commonly describe themselves as being lazy and a chronic procrastinator. Like clinically depressed people they may find that their sleep and appetite patterns are disrupted and they have an overly emotionally reaction.  However, their main focus is on their lack of inertia and motivation, and the strong impact it is having on their performance and expectations about reaching life long objectives.

These states are largely caused and maintained by lack of challenges and rewards in the environments we operate (e.g. work, home, social, gym, etc.). Rewards need to be obtainable and perceived as attainable.

Why? Well if we don’t think there is an obtainable reward we stop exerting effort and if we stop exerting effort its unlikely we will succeed.  On top of that if we do something continuously that’s not challenging, for the sake of the reward, we are likely to reduce our value for the reward and begin to dislike the activity.

Forrest Gump

This is why motivation is a direct function of effort not interest.

Confusing motivation with interest is a common mistake made by those who complain about lack of motivation; they blame their mood or not being into something as the cause of their diminished motivation rather than accurately accessing how much direct effort they are investing based on the likelihood of obtaining a valuable reward.

What effects how obtainable rewards actually are? Well 3 basic things:

* Availability- If the resources are available. Your organization has the funds or there are available single men or woman at the party.
* Deliverable- Is your  boss WILLING to give you the raise or the guy noticing you from across the room is confident enough to approach you to tell you how pretty you look.
* Achievable- is the task within a reasonable performance range?  If the expectation is perfection when you are a novice its unlikely you will obtain the reward, so it’s just as well not be available at all.

What effects our perception of attainability?

Uncontrollability and Learned helplessness:
Learned helplessness as its been studied in animals has shown that when dogs were first exposed to inescapable shocks they later failed to try to escape even when it was possible. This behavior, which has been attributed to perception of uncontrollability, has been demonstrated with people. For example studies have shown when people are exposed to inescapable noise and insoluble problems they later gave up trying in similar situations (See Seligman research for more)

Uncontrollability results in motivational, cognitive and emotional downsizing – we don’t try to find solutions or apply them fully since we don’t really believe anything will work.

What to do to:

1. Poor attitude-First develop an understanding of your own self-defeating attitudes.

For example: if you give up easily because you are not good at something then recognize you are depriving yourself of a motivating reward and perpetuating a bad cycle.

Homer

Originally uploaded by alana_hodgson

2. Gain Control-Make a list of areas where you largely feel you have no control and then brainstorm to figure out where you have control.

In most situations whether we readily see it or not there is some element of control. When we are victims of chronic learned helplessness seeing where just gets harder.

3.Find Value in Old Rewards- Review and record the reward areas in your life that are no longer meaningful to you.

* For example if you get a weekly pay check for the same job you may find yourself in need of a reward boost at work. Find a way to add a new challenge and reward to the situation.

4. Excuse tracking- Track where and when you make excuses for not doing something or giving more effort. Do this for 1 week and at the end of the week decide where you are going to apply more energy.

5. Challenges-Start with something intrinsically rewarding. This way it will be self-reinforcing and not dependent on someone else. For example, if you jog 1 mile a day;set a challenge to achieve 3 miles by the end of the month.

6. More exposure -Then up the anti by setting performance challenges that are more visible. Ask to take on new project at work even if it will not result necessarily in a raise or performance bonus. The public recognition will be rewarding enough and possibly set you up to get a raise.

Be proud of yourself and not just because I told you to. You are controlling your own motivation by putting effort in and that should feel good since it implies you have more control of your life then you probably think.

Challenging ourselves brings more than just shaking things up; it provides us opportunity for REWARD! Reward is not only necessary but without challenges we tend to ignore our NEED for reward altogether.

Too see this theory applied directly to your heath visit www.SculptNYC.com http://sculptnyc.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/got-rewards-stay-motivated/

For more information on consulting, coaching or clinical psychological services in New York or Los Angeles please contact DrJayme@askthecbt.com or 212-631-1133.
Dr. Albin works with groups and individuals providing cognitive behavior therapy and biofeedback.

So since I am wondering what you came up with, thought I’d enlighten you with some information about how we normally think when interpreting the behaviors of others.

When interpreting the cause of someone’s behavior we are more likely to think the reason has more to do with a personal reason than attribute it to a situational factor. For example, when a friend fails to call you, you are more likely to see their behavior as disinterested, rude, carelessness or disorganized, rather than to weigh heavily that they may be busy at work, talking to someone else, in a quiet or too noisy of a place or with no cell phone reception.

However, the opposite is true in situations that occur when we are the ones who don’t deliver. In these situations, we are likely to focus on the circumstances rather than attribute it to personal feelings. So when you are guilty for not calling a friend, you are more likely to think about the fact that you are busy at work or bogged down with the kids rather than connect it to not caring or dislike.

Remember this the next time you feel disappointed by the activities of others. You may want to ask about their actions before you assess personal blame. You may want to consider more heavily what circumstances were occurring at the time.

Also the next time you disappoint someone you may want to consider making sure they have not attached more of a personalization to it than you have. Regardless of your intentions or attributions, it still might sting. You can do this is a number of ways but usually open communication works best.

Dr. Jayme

 

There are many reasons why this may occur:

• Regression- People have a strong tendency to revert back to former patterns of behavior when they return to places from their past. This is reinforced by the people around them who revert back to old expectations of behavior based on a former “identity”. For example, if you were a “drinker” in college you may find yourself drinking with old college friends just out of habit or failure to forge healthier common ground.

AsktheCBT Tip: Be mindful of yourself and how you want to behave before the holidays occur. Set a reminder for yourself to focus on it just before you get together with people.

AsktheCBT Tip: Make a specific commitment. Don’t just say I don’t want to get drunk. Set a limit to the number of cocktails or the amount you will spend.

AsktheCBT Tip: Practice ways to say “No thank you”. This way when your Uncle Al invites you to sneak out after dinner for your ritualistic post meal cigarette you can be prepared with “Thanks but I quit a week ago and I want to enter the New Year feeling good rather than making promises”

• “Holiday Head”: The Cognitive Influence – Where you justify every indulgent behavior with some notion of “it’s a special occasion so its okay to over indulge.”

This goes with food as well as spending.

Here’s some news: Money is money and food is food whether you spend or eat it on a holiday or not, if you cannot afford it or your waist line is already being pushed to the limit then don’t justify it. Remember that the food and items will most likely be there tomorrow.

• Stress- Not only does stress cause a physiological response in the body that shuts down our ability to digest food properly but it also shuts down our bodies’ ability to detect when it’s truly hungry.

On top of that, studies show that overweight or obese people have a  tendency to be more sensitive to certain external cues (e.g. taste, smell, social situations) than to internal cues (stomach motility) so in stressful situations heavier people are likely to over eat.

AsktheCBT Tip:  Breathe deeply. You can manage your hormone levels by engaging in properly paced diaphragmatic breathing (see my article on breathing your way to happiness for instruction). This will shut down your fight or flight response and work to restore your bodies’ equilibrium before you reach for another serving of potatoes.

• Failure to exercise: Due to “holiday head” (rationalizing that the holidays are a
time to relax and kick back) or because of less free time around the holidays people tend to forgo their exercise routine.

This is actually the worse time of year to indulge in a sedentary lifestyle- As our body becomes sedentary our nervous systems begin to mellow out, becoming “Flat”- similar to the make up of a depressed person. Studies show that when people are depressed they seek ways to self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, food and spending.

AsktheCBT Tip: Head it off at the pass! Don’t skimp on the exercise. If your gym is closed or operating on a limited schedule this is the time to take a walk outside or break out that DVD. The point is do something to get your body going for at least 20 minutes so you allow your body to secrete endorphins to liven your mood!

AsktheCBT Tip: If you exercise briefly before and after the meal you are more likely to maintain a healthy view throughout the dinner and will avoid the desire to snack before dinner starts.

Zipping it up: Don’t fail to enlist the support of others when trying to change behaviors. People who fail to ask for help from friends and family members because they are embarrassed, think they should be able to manage these things on their own or don’t want to be held accountable by others, reduce their chances of being successful. Why? Because as I already mentioned, people will expect you to behave the same unless you give them a reason to expect something different.

For more information about how to change your habits or manage your weight contact me at DrJayme@askthecbt.com or visit SculptNYC ,

* Do you have difficulty in some situations expressing thoughts, feelings or personal desires?
* Does fear of disapproval hinder your performance?
* Do you find saying “No” so difficult that you commonly endure undesired activity
* Do you have a pattern of suppressing bad feelings until one single event triggers explosions of resentment?
* Do you anticipate rejection or failure if assertive?
* Do you fear all conflict so much that you avoid stating your opinion?
* Do you avoid or suffer high levels of anxiety or discomfort in certain social interactions?
* Do you find yourself ruminating or consumed with worry when facing a threatening situation?
* Do you avoid dating or meeting new people?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, then you would probably benefit greatly from Group or Individual Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Social Shyness and Assertion Training.

Join me on Dec 20th for an extensive talk on what group therapy can do for you. I will be starting a new therapy group come the beginning of January and am looking for new members who are interested in expanding their lives and social skills.

Date: Sunday, December 20, 2009
Time: 3:00pm – 4:00pm
Location: Dr Albin West Midtown Office
36 West 44th Street `
Btw 5th & 6th Suite 701
New York, NY 10036
212-631-1133

RSVP Here on Meetup.com

Cognitive Behavior Therapy New York, NY

If you are looking to work towards overcoming these habits the first place to start is by UNDERSTANDING your mental rules and automatic thoughts that overlay your behavior and then DECIDING FIRMLY to do something about it.

Dr. Albin: I use bio-feedback and meditation to help reduce stress and performance anxiety directly. Then I work on the cognitive patterns that are part of the procrastination trap — the “I’ll start when I’m ready” self-talk, or “it’s hopeless now”, or whatever it is.

For some helpful tips listen to the interview I gave on the Procrastination Special Show that broadcasted live on Sept 21, 2009 on the Tom on Leadership Blog Radio Show.

Click Here Dr Jayme Albin’s Speaks on Procrastination92109

Or if you don’t have the time to listen to the 15 minute interview then take a few minutes to look over the main take away points as Tom so nicely summed them up.

Procrastinators struggle with self-control behaviors. It often consists of:

* Self Defeating Thoughts, that lead to
* Anxiety, that triggers
* Avoidance Behaviors, which feed
* Self Defeating Thoughts, etc.

Often my clients don’t realize that performance comes from two things – Ability and Motivation. They focus on Ability, and when performance lags, they see it as reflecting on Ability, which saps their confidence.

Once they undermine their own self-confidence, they continue to lose Motivation. This self-perpetuates.

Another way to describe this is, once you feel high levels of anxiety, your body wants to reduce that and reduce the stress hormones associated with it. One way to get a very small and temporary reduction in the stress is to make an empty promise. The empty promise then kicks real work further into the future and guarantees a return to even higher levels of anxiety. Then the brain wants that small reduction even more, and you’re even more strongly tempted to make the empty promise.

There are five main themes that follow procrastinators:
-Over-estimating how much time is left
-Under-estimating how much time the task takes
-Later I’ll feel better (fooling themselves about future motivation levels)
-Later I’ll feel “right” (belief that emotion must be congruent with the task)
-Perfectionists (belief that everything must be perfect before they can start)

I work with the client to identify the pattern then they work to find different patterns that can combat the dysfunctional pattern. This involves challenging their beliefs and giving them multiple alternative self-talk options and behavior targets.

Try this:
One of my clients who complains that she gets lost in mundane activity such as internet surfing now has the assignment of starting each new task at the quarter-hour mark. If she finishes one task at 9:07, she has to start the next one at 9:15. This gives the client practice at time estimating (an opportunity to challenge her cognitive distortion of underestimating time) and lets her exercise her self-control against impulsiveness.

By working on a system where the person chooses from a menu of options and is partially aware of her self-control problems can help alleviate the behavior pattern. Activating one’s choice and helping one adapt better to situations as they change rather than fall rigidly into black and white patterns of behaviors can have a positive impact on productivity and motivation and reduce procrastination behaviors.

Self-control can definitely be strengthened. You have to want to!!! Many folks believe that “one day” they will suddenly achieve self-control without work.

I (Dr. Albin) counter this by looking to their mission and vision for themselves. Who do they want to be? What sort of aspirations do they have? This provides the impetus for additional change.

I (Dr. Albin) believe very strongly in working outside your comfort zone, so you always grow and change and lead an every greater and richer and more fulfilling life.

For more information:

Listen to entire broadcast that featured 3 other experts including:
Dr. Toni Galardi, Ph.D. of LifeQuake Enterprises
DeAnna Radaj of Bante Design LLC
Rita Emmett of Emmett Enterprises, Inc.
Dr. Jayme Albin, MA, Ph.D www.AsktheCognitiveBehaviorTherapist.com
Or read more of the expert advice on comments here on

For more information on consulting, coaching or clinical psychological services in New York or Los Angeles please contact DrJayme@askthecbt.com or 212-631-1133.
Dr. Albin works with groups and individuals providing cognitive behavior therapy and biofeedback.

Phobia I

Originally uploaded by Daffnet

If you frequently feel intense irrational amounts of panic or anxiety in “seemingly harmless situations” and the need to escape to alleviate the physical symptoms you may be developing a phobia. Usually this leads to a strong desire to avoid these situations and a laundry list of behaviors that may look something like any combination of these:

• You may find yourself making excuses to skip out on taking the elevator or subway. You may suddenly find you prefer to take the local bus rather than the express train.

• You may find yourself preferring not to fly on long flights or during the evening. You may start avoiding visiting friends who live on high floors or work above a certain level.

• You may find yourself feeling angrier in traffic, even avoiding tunnel or bridge routes or particular highways.

• You may find that you don’t enjoy sporting events or music concerts as you once did. Or now when you attend the theater, your first job is to notice all of the exit signs. You may opt to sit in the aisle or purposely arrive late at meetings so you can sit close to the door.

• You may avoid one-on-one meetings or limit dates to specific situations or places where you feel comfortable. You may find yourself “feeling unsafe” outside of your home or neighborhood.

• You may find yourself leaving parties early or being able to cope with making small talk only after consuming a few alcoholic beverages. You may find yourself becoming less verbal in group-settings where you know a smaller percentage of the people, or making fewer requests for simple things as your anxiety worsens.

Your Body Has Memory!
Phobias can develop for a number of reasons such as modeled behavior from a parent, the result of a traumatic event or a biological predisposition, but commonly it is a conditioned response that maintains and worsens the problem.

A conditioned response is a learned automatic (physiological) response that is connected to the situation. So your body activates a knee jerk reaction ticking off an automatic nervous system response, which acts as an alarm warning you of danger.

The alarm response is neurological sympathetic arousal and looks something like this: increased heart rate, constriction of muscles, sweaty palms, shortness of breath, pins and needs in the fingers or toes, butterflies in the stomach, headache or clenched jaws or fists.

FALSE ALARM!
Only, in the phobic scenario, the danger is not real so the alarm is a false alarm and one THAT YOU SHOULD COME TO EXPECT.

This is an important point to grasp, and the essence of the cognitive therapy work I do with clients who experience phobias.

As one of my clients writes me shortly after flying to Africa after 3 weeks of hard work with me:

“While walking down the aisle and entering the plane, I had doubts about being able to do it. But the concept that you told me about it being my body lying to me, kept me going with minimal problems, just a few tears. Once seated the nervousness went away almost entirely, and there was rarely bad feelings. Other than that I was perfectly fine, and about 45 minutes into the flight I slept. When I woke up there was an hour left in the flight.

I now have no worries about making the flight back, worrying about the boat ride, etc. It all seems to have disappeared upon takeoff. I feel (at the moment, like I could fly anywhere).

Thanks a million. You’re a lifesaver.-DR”

RELAXATION

On the behavior side, practice shutting down the alarm response (sympathetic arousal) by practicing getting into the neurologically opposite position- parasympathetic arousal or simply put a true relaxation response.

Some great techniques to practice are deep diaphragmatic breathing, cardiovascular exercise, transcendental meditation, yoga and incorporating biofeedback.

My clinical specialty relies on a combination of breathing and meditation exercises that include biofeedback training to facilitate the clients’ ability to become neurologically and emotionally relaxed in challenging situations.

FACE YOUR FEAR
Then figure out ways to slowly challenge yourself rather than avoiding situations. Start with small incremental exposures. Staying in the situation will not only give your body an opportunity to learn a new response to the situation, but it will also stop validating to your body that the alarm was a real indication of danger.

REWARD  FOR STAYING NOT ESCAPING
If you are used to leaving a situation to obtain symptom termination, you have been rewarding the behavior with the sense of relief. Learn to reward yourself for staying in the situation so that your body learns to relieve itself and you feel good for challenging your self.

YOU ARE NOT SOLO
Although most people don’t generally talk openly about their phobias, the fact is that they are a very common condition.  It is estimated that over 20 million Americans suffer from a Phobia and more than 40 million Americans suffer from an Anxiety disorder.

So the next time you are putting yourself down for having such a condition, calling yourself “weak”, or feeling embarrassed by potential judgments from on-lookers, do your self a favor, pause for a moment to look around the situation

1. Odds are, you are probably NOT alone in your state of anxiety and others are feeling the same way!

2. Realize most people are too busy dealing with their own lives to
pay attention to your anxiety behavior that closely or really care.

3. Remember that Anxiety disorders are the most common mental problems and that your problem doesn’t need to be faced alone.

More Help

If you are feeling overwhelmed by challenging your anxiety elicit the aid of a professional cognitive behavioral specialist such as myself who can help you with the process.

For more information on the treatment, contact me at DrJayme@ASKtheCBT.com or 212-631-1133.

You can also read more about my methods of   treatment for phobias  and about a study I conducted demonstrating the effective use of Biofeedback and Virtual Reality Therapy in helping people overcome their Fear of Flying.

Treating Fear of Flying Using Biofeedback & Virtual Reality

http://tiny.cc/AsktheCBTFOF

The important thing to realize is that you can work against your phobias and live anxiety free!

Best,
Dr. Jayme 

Looking to succeed?

Most of us are, but what happens when the desire to succeed undermines our ability to perform?

Performance situations where we feel the pressure to excel can have a serious impact on how well we accomplish our goals. What’s more, it can leave one questioning their expectations, abilities and methods, as one reader writes, “My situation has left me confused about the best way to do well. I’m not even sure if I’m holding myself to too high or too low a standard anymore”.

Whether we are giving a stage performance, completing an important task at work, interviewing for a new position or preparing for a final exam, most of us respond to intense situations, where we feel judged, with a wave of adrenaline and a mild state of anxiety.

For many of us this simply activates and motivates behaviors directed towards completing the task at hand. We prepare, problem solve and follow through. The adrenaline drives our attention and concentration so we stay focused on what is the most vital: getting the job. Thus, we relieve the anxiety by accomplishing the difficult goal and reward ourselves with the sense of accomplishment, accompanied perhaps with a pat on back and a sigh of relief.

However, on the other hand, for others the anxiety reaction is much stronger. The elicited response is to become self-consumed, rather than task focused. The anxiety seems to derailed our problem solving and task oriented behaviors. Not only do we become self-critical, we spend too much time analyzing the overall situation trying determine if its “fair or not”. This not only diminishes our chances of being successful, but also causes more anxiety. On top of this, it negatively affects our self-esteem, leads us to draw erroneous negative conclusions from flawed evaluations and contributes to an overall defensive tone. In sum, it makes it harder to adapt to the situation.

What to do:

Lets start with the good news: This is a learned response to your anxiety.  So like many other anxiety reactions overtime, with proper and consistent training it can be unlearned and new habits can be formed.

• Start by practicing and developing techniques to reduce with your anxiety. Practice your breathing and incorporate its use into difficult situations. The calmer your body, the more in control of your thoughts you will be. Practice, practice & practice! This way your skills will be up to speed when a tough situations occurs. (see my post on breathing for more info)

• Inoculate yourself. Learn to accept your anxiety and not fear it. Remember that anxiety is a normal response. Focus on how the anxiety feels physically in alternative situations so you get used to the sensations and therefore, can better control your reactions. Just because you have an itch, doesn’t mean you always have to scratch it.

• Worst Case Scenario-Ask yourself what you are so worried about? Answer this question! Very anxious people usually generate a ton of questions in their head without providing any answers. This maintains the arousal and does nothing to resolve the situation.

Ground yourself by answering your own questions. Write out “What the Worst Case Scenario” would actually be.  Don’t skimp on the process (write it out).

Define all the steps that would have to occur, in sequential order to get you to the place of failure that you fear. Assign each step a probability score based on the chance of it happening.  Multiply those probabilities to determine the overall probability of your worse nightmare occurring. Sit with this realization. Odds are it’s lower than what you might have originally imagined, so let the reality seep in.

• Problem Solve- Just because your head is drawn towards self-evaluation does not mean you have to indulge those thoughts and behaviors.  If you are having a hard time staying focused, work with a partner or take frequent short breaks.

• Create Smaller Goals- Devise an action plan that includes focusing on short manageable behavioral goals rather than the whole project. For example, if you are working on reading a report for work, commit to reading a page in between each break rather than focusing on an entire section. This will at least give you the opportunity to be productive while waiting for your flow to develop or return.

• Use benchmarks to monitor and maintain your pace- For example, if you are giving a speech create mental and behavioral benchmarks in your presentation by breaking your slides into sections and including behavioral markers (such as photo slides). Remember to pause a moment and take 2 -3 deep breaths when you reach the marker.  Smile at your success before moving out to the next benchmark .

• Avoid emotional or abusive language- Words like “disaster”,“stupid”, “idiot”, “horrible” and “complete failure” don’t help they only hinder. Use objective language or rather scores to rate your performance or anxiety level. Reducing it to a number will help you contain the spread of the problem, but it will also help you to become more objective and less emotionally responsive.

• Boost your self esteem by teaching someone else. Build your confidence up by doing something that is challenging but you know you do well.  Consider teaching someone less experienced the skill. Allow yourself to feel a strong sense of pride.  Take a moment to reflect on how you view others around you who are less skilled.  Are you judging them as harshly as you would imagine they would judge you if the situation where reverse? Probably not.

Remember this: successful people are not successful because they are always naturally gifted or the best.  They are successful because failure and mediocrity does not seem to derail their efforts; they are successful because they always come back for more.
Dr. Jayme

:

My last article posted on decision making, “Are you suffering from ‘decision-making strategy neglect’? Maximizer vs. Satisficer”, focused on Stage 1, the information gathering phase. Now let’s focus on Stage two, the solution focus stage, where a solution is decided upon and then implemented.

More often than not, I see people experiencing mild to intense anxiety during this stage. This can result in a “non-decision”, where the idea of selecting a decision and staying with the decision long enough to implement is too anxiety provoking so nothing gets determined nor implemented in the appropriate manner.

This is anxiety can be driven by a number of reason but a common phenomenon observed is the concept of searching for “THE RIGHT decision” rather than the “the best solution” or “a good decision”. For those who are in search of the “THE RIGHT decision” they are often foolishly led by perfectionist ideals characterized by a desire to not just to maximize their resources, but by the belief that they must make one decision that satisfies their needs 100%. However, as our lives develop and become more complex, it becomes increasingly difficult to make decisions that satisfy all elements involved. Failure to grasp and accept this concept, often leads to internal conflict, dissonance and arousal; triggering the desire to renegotiate the decision process, perpetuating the cycle.

What to do:
Developing insight into your own style, as well as the styles of others, can help you determine which style works best for you and/or your organization and under what set of circumstances.

Like the information gathering phase, there are a number of different strategies that occur during the solution focus phase. We also vary in the number of potential solutions we simultaneously generate and consider.

A uni-focus style is denoted when the information collected is used to assemble one potential solution and follow one course of action in the implementation. Whereas, as multi-focused style includes developing alternative solutions.

Decision making research describes 5 basic decision making styles that consider whether the person is behaving as a maximizer vs. satisficer in combination with uni-focus or multi-focused style:

1. A Decisive style is a satisficing & unifocus style. These people pride themselves on making fast and efficient decision. They choose a course of action and implement it in the most expedited manner, ignoring any desire to reevaluate due to an uncertain future. The down side is that these people are often perceived as inflexible and short sighted. This approach is however seen often with politicians and business-men.

2. A Flexible style is a satisficing, multi-focus style. These people move fast, but are willing to drop one tactic in favor of another at any moment. Flexible decision makers do well in organizations or situations where there is a lot of quick change but can fall into a dangerous pitfall of being too flexible. Too flexible involves the willingness or desire to drop present decisions for new strategies before it’s necessary or because your priorities have changed, rather than the components of the situation itself. Thus they end up trying to be maximizers with the resources and intent of a satisficer.

3. The Hierarchical decision maker is maximizing & unifocus style. They use ample resources to identify the best solution and then work out a detailed and specific plan of action. Implementing this style without seeming too over controlling or rigid requires a lot of self-awareness and patience.

4. The Integrative style involves maximizing and a multi-focus style. Where more than one course of action is developed based on a lot of information. These people often pursue several course of action simultaneously; hence it requires ample resources during both stages. These people value creativity and diverse set of ideas and often work well groups.

5. The Systemic style combines characteristics of the hierarchic and integrative styles. Information is gathered in a maximizer way, but at times the solutions are uni-focused whereas at other times multi-focused. This person will produce multiple detailed solutions, with long terms goals but focus on applying plans that pertain to the near future.

The decisive and flexible styles tend to work best when things need to be done quickly and when the issues to be considered are relatively simple. The hierarchical, integrative, and systemic styles are best when applied to more complex matter that requires long term strategy, and considerable resource investment.

Thank you.

The feedback I received in response to my previous post on “non decision making”, told me that my audience was not only on board with this process, but eager to learn more about decision strategy as well.  So in response, I have decided to present a series of articles over the next few weeks to help you avoid “decision-making strategy neglect” in both your individual lives and within your organizations (if you are in a decision-making position).

Stages:
One way to view the process is to break decision-making down into a two-stage process.

Stage one is the analysis stage, where information is gathered and then analyzed. Stage two is the solution focus stage, where a solution is decided upon and then implemented.

For now, we will focus on Stage One.

Maximizer vs. Satisficers

Depending how much information you require and how much time you spend analyzing the information before moving on to the solution focused stage determines whether or not you are considered a “maximizer” or a “satisficer” in your decision making style (Driver, Brousseau & Hunsaker, 1998)

Maximizers are those who seek to gather ALL the information before making a decision. They invest time, attention and energy. They take advantage of all of the resources available to them with the goal of selecting the “optimal” solution.  They react slower in the decision-making arena than satisficers do.

Satisficers on the other hand pride themselves on reacting in an expedited manner and being decisive. They usually make decisions based on the information at hand or with minimal amounts of information with the goal of selecting the “best available” or a “good enough” decision.

Maximizing is appealing since it can increase the confidence we have in our decisions. Furthermore, sometimes the difference between the “BEST” decision and a “GOOD” decision is a meaningful difference, so there is benefit to the added investment.

However, acting as a maximizer is not always practical since it’s often difficult to implement as the level of information you seek is not always available or is expensive.  This in turn may lead to the over-expenditure of limited resources (i.e. time, money, energy, attention) and as a result you may end up feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, decreasing your chances of either moving onward to the solution stage or leaving your resources too depleted to effectively implement the solution in the next stage.

Satisficers run the risk of missing out on the “optimal” solution since they make decisions as information becomes available. They find solutions that are minimally acceptable, but meet a set of standards. The satisfiers’ attitude is simply: an available decision is sometimes the “best” decision, since it is all that is necessary to accomplish your goal or at least prevent complete failure.

Satisficers work under the premise that the added investment of the Maximizer does not guarantee a better outcome or the upside at its best may not be enough to justify the resource investment. Therefore, this style takes into account the limitations imposed by resources (both internal and external), while allowing us to get the job done. This style it has been heavily supported as a decision making style in organizations (see Herbert Simon’s Administrative Model for more or my future posts).

Both styles of information gathering and analysis have their advantages and disadvantages. The most important thing to realize is that the optimal strategy is highly situational dependent, which means that one strategy does not work for all. For example you would want to adopt a maximizing strategy on a multiple choice exam, even if it meant not answering all of the questions since you need to select the “best” answer in order to receive any credit, but you would be better off applying a satisficer approach when taking an essay exam, since you most likely would be better off answering all of the questions to some degree, regardless if they were perfect.

Sometimes combining strategies can be the best strategy in order to optimize your end goal, which is usually the most important component anyway. For example, a satisficer attitude about decisions to accept dates or job interviews would mean you would set standards and remain open to accepting invitations as long as they met your minimum requirements. Thus, when it came time to make a decision about who to marry or where to work for the long haul you could adopt a maximizer approach more readily, whereby you would be in better position to select what you believe is ideal.

Are you a maximizer or a satisficer?
Well hopefully you are both since the optimal strategy is situation dependent.

What to do to determine this and improve your skills:

• For the next week, monitor a few areas in your life where decision-making occurs. For e.g. Career/Work, Relationships, Family, Money, Travel, Health, etc.
• Remember to look at these systems both globally and internally. For example, how you make plans vs. whom you select as a friend. How you selected your gym or exercise regime vs. daily decisions to work out.
• Then each time you make a decision indicate if you are maximizing or satisficing. Focus on: How fast you are responding; how much information you require; were you asked to make a decision or did you feel compelled?
• Keep track over the week. Start with a sample. You don’t need to record every decision. The idea is to get your thinking process going and introduce these concepts
• Then go back over those decisions with the outcomes that occurred in mind. Ask yourself if you think you acted in accordance with the best decision strategy:

Did maximizing when you should have been satisficing cause you to miss out on an opportunity?  Did satisficing when you should have been maximizing lead you to act short sighted?

Don’t get upset and be a Monday morning quarterback. That’s wasted time!  Learn from it and continue the process.

Please post your comments directly here on the blog.
Thanks for reading. Contact me directly for more info on consulting.
Dr. Jayme

Are you ready to get your Monday morning on?

I know its not quite Monday, yet but many of us are our on our way back from a beach weekend via ferry, car, jitney or plane and find ourselves consumed with the events of tomorrow instead of the rest of the weekend ahead. Even if you manged to check out all together during the weekend, you may have returned to work mode.

If you did not intend to end your weekend early, you may feel somewhat annoyed by the intrusion. Perhaps the intrusion came voluntarily ( i.e either you activated your blackberry and checked your work email) or it was an outside force such as a call from an eager colleague.

Either way let’ s figure what triggered this annoyance so you can be in a better position to adjust your thoughts or behaviors, so you can avoid the imposition or accept the need to get a jump start on Mondays’ event.Leave your responses on the comments please so we can establish your triggers.
Dr Jayme

http://twitter.com/AsktheCBT

Dealing with disappointment can be disheartening to say the least. No one likes to be confronted with the revelation of “NO”. No one likes to be told what they wanted is not available, that their needs will not be honored or what they expected is not likely to occur.

However, how you handle yourself in these situations can determine just how far your level of disappointment goes, whether it stops at a healthy level of frustration, or whether it escalates to more intense levels of anger and hostility.

When we are frustrated or angry it is because we are facing an obstacle.  This obstacle can be apparent or perceived.  There is something, someone and/or a set up circumstances standing in our way.  We are angry because we see this as unfair!

Instrumental aggression is the behavior that occurs when we are feeling mild to moderate frustration.  This can be described as “means to an end” type of behavior.  In these situations we feel frustration in response to the obstacle, but it ignites us to get our act in gear and work harder.  We consider alternative ways to get our needs met or ways to work around the obstacle.  We avoid behavior that is unnecessary and counterproductive to our goal. Some examples include aggressively negotiating the sale of your home, a football player defensively tackling an opposing team member, or a lawyer presenting an opposing argument in a court of law.

On the other hand, hostile aggression occurs when we are expressing negative emotions such as anger or disgust. During these times we are less goal oriented and therefore less likely to reduce our disappointment by coming up with a viable solution. Instead we are more likely to do something to instigate the problem as well as your hostile mood. Some examples include a fist fight between opponents on a rival team, a hostile customer yelling at the service representative assigned to assist them; or a name calling screaming match between two lovers feeling insecure.

The path from frustration to aggression is a complex one based on our physiological make up, prior learning and our attributions (see my post on Attribution and Blame). With insight and practice we can learn to control this path so that we more likely to behave in ways more consistent with instrumental aggression and avoid emotional, impulsive, reactions that we usually come to regret.

What to do: Start by

1. Calm down- Time- outs work because they give you time to gain the psychological distance needed to see things from a more rational position.  It also gives our body a chance to calm down. Remember there’s a mind-body connection, so if you are feeling hot, you are likely to behave hotheadedly! Start slow diaphragmatic breathing (See my post on breathing), go for a walk or tell the person who need to call them back. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for a few minutes. Most people will respect your ability to be more Zen, admire your strength and  thank you for it later .
2. Minimize the apologizing-  Sorry is nice and often expressing sorrow is necessary to make things “right”, but despite who is at fault sometimes sorry just does not cut it or can be too soon. If someone is hounding you to “feel better” right away this is probably because they feel bad, however this may make you feel as though you are being foolish for feeling disappointed.  Don’t rush to say its okay right away.  Feeling forced is partially what triggered you to be upset to begin with. Instead acknowledge your disappointment, and let them know how they can help you with the problem.
3. Set a time frame. Don’t catastrophize things by thinking as though it’s endless. Let others & yourself know your feelings won’t last forever. Give yourself a time frame to keep the perspective.
4. Understand & Identify the components: Identify what you are disappointed about.  It could be something concrete like a material possession or something more abstract such as support from a mentor or support from a spouse.  Next, try to identify the barriers you face and what is triggering your frustration. NOTE THESE ARE NOT ALWAYS THE SAME THING!

Ask yourself how significant those barriers really are or are you wasting your time, energy and attention on something that is not that important? Would you be better off investing those resources somewhere else?

5. Accept the loss- People who are successful are successful because they don’t accept failure rather they measure opportunity loss in dollars and cents. Go back to No 4 and acknowledge what you have lost.  Set some real limits on the value.  Be as objective as possible.

6.Visualize Pro-Social Behaviors- Imagine how you aspire to perform in these situations. Often people who lose their cool feel embarrassed after how they behaved, although they might defend their actions publicly.  Instead of mentally agonizing over aggressiveness or tuning it out to avoid feeling bad, spend time thinking and visualizing who you want to be the next time you are told “no”.

7. Choice- Take control of the situation by generating or reminding yourself of available choices.  Frustration is also a good opportunity to brain storm and work around your obstacles in a productive way. Working around your obstacles can be seen as an opportunity to be more creative and aspire to set greater goals than just settling for statuesque. However if you are too busy being hostile you may miss those opportunities frustrating you further.

Please post comments or questions on the blog.

Thanks for reading.

Dr. Jayme

There are 6 basic types of social power that influence others…which type are you?
If you have ever wondered why some people seem to be more effective at influencing the opinions and behaviors of others, consider the social power possessed by the “influencer” and the role-identity of the “followers”.

Social power can be thought of as simply reasons why one person can get others to do what he wants to. There are six basic types of social power:

1. Reward power is when the holder of the power has the potential to dole out either material or social rewards. Attention, affection and sex fall into this category.  So do bonuses, salary and gifts.

2. Coercive power exists when others comply to avoid any type of punishment. This can be a time out, public humiliation (gossip), social discord, a verbal or physical reprimand, financial penalties, jail, etc.

3. Legitimate power is based on the notion of “it just is”. Whereby, someone responds to someone’s request simply because they are a designated as an authority figure such as “teacher”, “leader”, “parent”, or “boss”. Followers respond to their requests just because they are “supposed to”.

4. Referent power is often combined with Legitimate Power when you like or admirer your boss or teacher. The power to influence comes with being admired and respected, when the person wants to be like you or wants to be held in high regard in return.

5. Expert power is when someone has superior skills or training so followers comply with their requests because they assume they know more and can lead others towards better decisions. This can obviously apply to situations at the office or when consulting with advisers, such as doctors, lawyers or accountants, but it also comes into play in more subtle situations. For example, we may defer to someone’s  lead simply because they are more familiar with the place, people or situations than we are. This occurs in social setting where new comers often look for experienced members to “show them the ropes”, thus temporarily one person is deemed the expert and assumes that role.

6. Information Power is when someone posses a specific piece information that we see as valuable. Thus we follow their requests in order to get them to share the information we are looking to obtain.

Role identity is basically how people  want to be seen in a given situation.   This translates into what motivates them.  For example, a 30 year-old, single female attending a social engagement who wants to be seen as sexy, attractive and articulate to men would respond positively to the reward power of a compliment from a viable suitor since it would validate her  role-identity.  So in order for the compliment to be powerful in its ability to influence it must be seen as valuable enough by the followers to warrant the required behavior.

Persuading others is not always easy, in management or leadership situations if you are liked (referent) and seen as a skilled /knowledgeable (expert) you will have the power to influence the performance and opinions of others since referent power combined with expert power in leadership roles tend to be the most effective.

Please comment here on the blog what types of power you think work best for you and it what situations.

Dr. Jayme

See Thou Shall Not Avoid for Why .

Some basic ideas on how not to avoid and making approaching anxiety situations easier:

1. Make your own movie with imagery: Play out positive scenarios in your head. Use scenes from films or books to guide you but make sure you are the actor/actress in the film.

2. Role play: practice in front of a mirror or with a friend/therapist. Once you start it can be fun and extremely helpful.

3. Get a job or volunteer. If you see being social as part of your job you may come out of your shell.

4. Go for an hour! Set specific beginning and an end times.

For example, if you are nervous about attending a party. Commit to attending between 9pm and 10pm. Don’t give into to leaving when you feel like leaving. Inform the hostess in advance that you have another engagement or an early morning.

5. Ask one question or state one fact. In a meeting or in a group setting, make a point to say something at the least threatening part of the gathering. Usually this is the beginning or end.

6. Speed date: If dating is not your thing because you shy away from meeting new people or hate the asking out part. Try speed dating. It will help you get used to breaking the ice. Knowing each meeting is only 5 minutes will help you feel in control.

7. Talk to strangers. If you have a hard time meeting new people commit to talking to one new person a week. Start with people engaged in jobs that are designed to share information. For example, go to the local beer brewery and ask the bartender about beer or the person working in the local Barnes and nobles about what books they recommend. Usually people working in these positions are there because are knowledgeable and enjoy something about the topic.

8. Have someone go with you. Enlist a friend or a therapist. It will make things easier and maybe you can share a laugh.

9. Treat everyone the same for an hour. For an hour make an effort to smile at everyone that comes across your path. Make sure you ride the elevator or walk the halls during this hour.

10. Say good morning to everyone on a Monday. This will break the routine and set a stage for new habits.

By breaking down your behaviors into small, manageable acts you not only get to rid yourself of the anxiety, but your actual performance will improve. Just like when you ran teams drills in high school.